Metcalf

a person who is lazy and generally useless.
you’re sure being a metcalf today by laying around.

quit metcalfing it and help us out.
a s-xual maneuver where one:

a) consumes 20-25 alcoholic beverages in a night out.

b) sleazily, creepily finds an equally or more inebriated member of the female s-x to bring back to one’s room.

c) interrupts the pre-game makeout session to go and take 4-5 times the recommended dose of generic v–gr- purchased from an illegal online pharmacy.

d) continues to fail to get more than a half-mast erection, but due to utter insanity and a complete disconnect from reality, continues to push the issue and proceeds to perform hours of overzealous cunnilinguis.

e) eventually takes the submissive bottom and tries to cram the now-quarter mast erection into the female partner’s v-g-n-, which leads to the crux of the metcalf maneuver: due to the flaccidity of the erection, it must be able to have a kink somewhere at the midpoint leading the s-x (if you can call it that) to be extremely painful. advanced versions of the metcalf actually include the p-n-s being folded in half and then inserted.

to spice things up a bit, metcalf pract-tioners can also forget where they are, claim wholeheartedly to their roomates that they had a threesome when in fact it didn’t happen, p-ss out, blast music extremely loud, or say incoherent and frightening things.
i am such a f-cking moron who sucks so hard at life: i pulled another metcalf last night.

i would honestly rather become a fluffer on an all-male p-rn set than pull another metcalf.

yeah, it was the worst s-xual experience of my life; he pulled a metcalf on me.