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located in idyllic east lansing michigan, michigan state university (msu) is the state of michigan’s largest academic inst-tution with a single campus enrollment of 45,000 students – making it the fifth largest single campus university in america. in terms of total acreage msu the second largest of america’s universities at 5,200 acres.

academics:
michigan state has over 150 undergraduate degrees in which to choose from. many of which are ranked in the top 25 nationally and some ranked #1. the mean grade point averages for an incoming freshman is 3.55, with an act score of 25.

campus:
michigan state is always located on a list of america’s most beautiful campuses. with the peaceful red cedar river flowing directly through the heart of campus along with numerous gardens and fountains one is never far away from natural beauty. msu is home to the largest dormatory population in the nation, however some students choose to live in lively downtown east lansing.

sports:
michigan state is ncaa division 1a, belonging to the big ten conference. michigan state is one of only a few schools to win national t-tles in basketball and football, and the only school to win a national t-tle in all three “money sports” (football, basketball, hockey). colors are green (forest green) and white. rivals include: 1) university of michigan, 2) notre dame, 3) ohio state / penn state. mascot is the spartan. logo is a green block s against a white background.

misc facts:
-there are more michigan state university graduates living in michigan than any other college or university
-michigan state was founded in 1855
-msu was the first big ten school to wear “winged-helmets,” later made popular by the university of michigan.
-with the exception of ohio state no other big ten university has won more national football t-tles in the modern era than msu.
-malcolm x and magic johnson are among the many famous msu graduates
-msu students are known for being good natured, friendly, and personable.
-msu is the only university in north america to have three different medical schools. (md, do, vm)
-the msu band was recently voted one of the top three college marching bands in the nation in a nation-wide poll of directors.
-michigan state was the first land grant college in the nation.
i can’t believe i got into michigan state! their communications program is the best in the nation!!
the greatest college ever created. magic johnson, jason richardson, and biggie munn attended this great college.
michigan state is better than michigan, as ann arbor is an outhouse.
the greatest college ever cant wait to go to. the hottest guys go there and their just plain awsome
i love michigan state
the school that traditionally beats the university of michigan in every sport. also known as final four u.
michigan state is the university of michigan
the school that every person from michigan goes to if they didn’t make it into the university of michigan.
every person from michigan applies to both schools, the difference is michigan state students students receive rejection letters.
aka …

1) east lansing diploma factory (or the good ol’ eldf for short, or just plain ‘el doof!’)

2) rust belt tech (rust belt as in ‘dilapidated, plain, bland, flat, kicked-in, empty, also-rannish, has-been, the great fly-over, bankrupt, bourgoise, cheeseball, un-hip, inauthentic, wannabe, sycophantic, pedestrian, top 40, et al.)

3) high school for those who missed it the first time (… and second…and third…and fourth…and fifth…et al.) – yes, like all large state universities, it feels that suburban, that cookie-cutter, just like…well…high school. yahoo! just think m-ffy, i can be a jock or cheerleader all over again and it will be like i haven’t left mommy and daddy’s house! perpetual boy or girlhood!

4) the big block “s” – “s” which really stands for “safety” -as in “safety school”; y’know, f’r instance, your 119th choice on your list of top 20 schools (ranked just after the wayne county lock-up and just before lawn-cutting service training).

5) infantilized u. i always thought the most boyish of boys and girlish of girls attended here. i still do, even all these years later. want to feel completely paternalized, unsophisticated, immature, incapable of dealing with real adult issues well into your forties and fifties? then you’ll go here – diaper and wet nurse, included.

i do not lie. stay completely the h-ll away from this joke of an inst-tution – unless you find flipping burgers or running a suntan booth intellectually compelling. i kid you not – that’s where you’ll wind up. the ‘haves’ – and the grown-ups – attend the better kinds of schools with the better kinds of persons. the ‘have nots’- and the losers – get stuck in places like ‘el doof’ and learn how to ‘supersize’ things for a living. macomb county and farmington hills, here we come !

“i see on your resume’ it says you went to michigan state”
“what’s a resume?”
“this chicken scratch your mother(?)wrote out for you.”
“oh. does it mention somewhere i get to skip recess?”
“ah – it’s listed as a ‘reference.'”
“cool! so do i get the job or what?”
“hold on – i’m just finishing this last paragraph from faulkner.”
“oh yeah – the fochers – didn’t they turn that into a movie starring some guy named richard el dorado?”
“that’s robert deniro.”
“oh – right, al pacifico’s pal.”
“i believe you mean pacino.”
“didn’t i say that?”
a good university in east lansing michigan with lots of chicks (nice). but the pr-cks aren’t so nice and they out-number the chicks 10 to 1. they are the most unbearable fans in college sports. many of them are wanna be drunks who puke it up after smoking a joint. oh and you may own um in basketball, but the football counts the most! that’s 4 in a row lost to michigan now!
parody of the michigan state fight song;

puke your beer up,
beat your girl.
set you couch on fire!
smoke a joint,
and tip cop cars.
it’s time to riot in east lansing!

choke on tear gas,
go to jail.
you’re gonna loose it’s true.
fight fight rah team fight,
victory for maze and blue!

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