Mill Valley

a city in marin county, california, that was the basis for the south park episode “smug alert!” the people of mill valley are generally smug, ent-tled hermits who live in tiny 837 sq ft shacks that they paid $1.2 million for.

mill valley is known as the home of the down low shermitard as well, the best friend of the jaysboytoy.
“dude, i used to live on amicita in mill valley and i can’t believe that my dad made us live like third world paupers just so he could drive a range rover with a grateful dead sticker.”
a town of about 13,000 in marin county. a place that was once a cool hippie town (like when my dad moved here in the 70s) but is now copiously trendy (but still undeniably cool.)

in recent years, mill valley has become a great place to be a teenage babysitter (like myself,) because young, rich couples are reproducing at an alarming rate (just go to the depot on a sunday morning), the fathers are always really hott, and if you aren’t too pierced or tattooed you will get many jobs, because very few teens in mill valley babysit. why? because they don’t need the money.

most teenagers in mill valley are quite naive and narcissistic, but some of the nicest people you will ever meet once you get to know them. even though we are rich kids, we dress casually and your popularity usually isn’t based on money, it’s usually looks that matter, or personality. but don’t worry, because we’re all good looking and most of us have charming personalities.
did that last sentence sound conceited? that’s just the mill valley-ness in me.

kid: look, daddy, it’s a hummer with a no blood for oil sticker!
dad: he must be from mill valley.
located among redwood trees and little boutiques, mill valley is the oldest and most typically marin towns there is.
mill valley is a place for young la-wannabes and old hippies to reunite and drink lattes. it is a place where obesity and cheep clothes are rarely seen. every kid partic-p-tes in at least one team sport growing up; whether it be softball, the marin swim league, or the mill valley soccer league. no matter what school you go to or neighborhood you live in, you are bound to know every one of your peers’ faces by the time you leave for college. and everyone goes to college.
mill valley is the home of many old hippies and yuppies. they will send their kids to tam high, were the kids will get washed at lunch, hang out outside of pearl’s or stefano’s, and utter words such as cutty or bomb. no, not as in that is the bomb! (so nineties) but as in, “she is bomb as f-ck.” yep, we’ve dropped “the” and now its just so much more current.also, mill valley is home to suv’s sporting “keep tahoe blue” stickers and rich kids who complain and smoke weed to “take away the pain” yep, the pain of having a 40$/week allowance and parents who will gladly smoke with them. oh, and the vacation home in lake tahoe sucks too. yes, full of skinny, gorgeous girls and hot dads, too bad its all just one big oxy-moron.
kid 1: lets hop into my lexus suv and go smoke weed in cutty bo (bolinas) cause life here in mill valley is not bomb.

kid 2: yeah, i’ll grab my juicy black terry cloth hoodie and citizen for humanity jeans,and ask my mom for her bong, its h-lla rank. oh, do you think i should wear two coats hoola by benefit, or two coats of georgia?
a town 10 minutes north of san francisco. downtown is the best place to go: window shopping is amazing, lots of weird little shops, old mill park and the depot are usually pretty crowded. police-people are kind of grumpy, probably because they never get to do anything, because nothing happens in mill valley. you can tell the small population of tourists apart by seeing what they’re wearing: during summer, tourists wear shorts and tank-tops and shiver their @#!-% off, while locals wear sweatshirts and jeans and uggs. winter: tourists are more likely to blend in with the warm clothing. our summer is fall, not june-august. lots of dogs. a lot of smokers too, but lots of non-smoking areas. weed is smoked a lot behind the safeway. starbucks is better than peet’s coffee.
mill valley is like a smaller, less insane san francisco, except not really.
a town in marin county just north of the golden gate bridge. the home of well-off whole foods shoppers and sh-t faced teenagers who think they’re ghetto.
typical mill valley teenager:”yeah, like dude, i got h-lla wasted last nightttt, and then i went to the best buy in marin city.. i’m so bad -ss.”

a normal person in marin: “dude just shut up.”