Mount Olive

mount olive is a place located in a suburb of a suburb of yet another suburb in northern nj where the best thing to do on a friday night is to hang out in the dunkin donuts parkin lot. probably the worst place on earth because the cops have nothing better to do but harr-ss everyone who isn’t at dunkin donuts. oh and its filled with quite possibly the worst people in the world because if your not at dunkin donuts, your not cool apparently. and if you are from mount olive and under the age of 18 apparently you have to act like your hard and from the ghetto because its not like your upper middle cl-ss kids.
hey whats there to do in mount olive?
who the h-ll cares…
quite possibly one of the sh-ttiest places on earth.
here’s a nice breakdown of the township.
mount olive is made up of two main towns, flanders and budd lake. on top of that, some of the unfortunate kids that live in the forgotten neighborhood at the bottom of the hackettstown mountain and some of the chester kids are also considered mount olive for some reason that n-body can figure out.
budd lake, the actual lake itself, is a sewage ditch. seriously, the f-cking sewage from the houses leaks into the lake, so don’t go swimming without expecting to come out green. in past years, there have been cars, bodies, dead animals, and f-ck knows what else in that sh-thole they call a lake. the “beach” is basically a strip of garbage and imported sand, and is the number one “vacation” destination for desperate kids over the summer.
there are about 50thousand f-cking elementary schools, and the one i went to, was f-cking terrible. sandsh-r- elementary school, aka prison, is a great place to go if you like emotional abuse. if you get a teacher that is slightly less b-tchy than a n-z-, consider yourself the most lucky f-cker in the entire school. the students endure abuse such as being screamed at for missing a single homework -ssignment, being ridiculed for not singing loud enough in music, and being treated like inmates by the b-tchy lunch aids. i remember being forced to stand in 2 perfectly straight lines before recess and having to shut the f-ck up or my part of the line would miss half of recess. if you’re caught speaking, within seconds you’re guaranteed to have some fat -sshole’s double chin wagging in your face as she screams and spits all over you. in addition to that, they make all the students wash the tables with rags that are literally falling apart and the dirtiest water you’ll ever see, and all the chairs must be placed on the lunch tables with precision or you’ll get mentally abused and stalked for the rest of the year to make sure you don’t f-ck up again. every morning, the children have to sing a few songs including the school song, the star spangled banner, yankee doodle and a bunch of other bullsh-t like the alphabet song in spanish.
the middle school is yet another prison. the pregnancy rates among the 6th graders are absolutely disgusting and about 90% of the school population has sucked d-ck or f-cked at least once by the time they move on to the high school.
simply because they’re the oldest kids in the school, the 8th graders think they’re hot sh-t, and that att-tude actually caries into the high school, which is the reason why everyone hates the freshman. the freshman from the 07-08 school year were the absolute worst as a whole, where as this year, they’re better as a whole, but worse as individuals. there’s a midget wannabe scene chick with a locker near me that likes to talk sh-t about everything that moves. in addition, one of her r-t-rded freshman friends is pregnant and likes to broadcast it to the entire school. “and i was like, oh my god it’s not my fault i’m pregnant!!!! hahahaha!!! life is gonna be so great when the baby comes!!!!! it’ll be perfeeeect!!!” they try to demand things of those that are above them even though they don’t even have the slightest clue where their cl-ssrooms are. it takes them about a year to figure out that the reason all the 100 rooms are on the first floor, and all the 200 rooms are on the 2nd floor, etc, is because they start with their floor number. the junior cl-ss acts like its the senior cl-ss and the senior cl-ss does nothing but sit around all day because they know they’re going to end up in ccm anyway.
the princ-p-l is quite possibly the biggest idiot any of the students have every seen and he must be def, because every time he shows up at an -ssembly or pep rally, the entire student body boo’s at him and throws sh-t, and yet he still continues to make his bombastic and long-winded speeches every morning.
the school spent millions of dollars and hiked up the taxes to astronomical proportions to “renovate” the school, adding a giant and unimportant lobby, a bigger caf and a new auditorium. everything else is still in the same sh-tty condition that it’s been in for years and there’s still a m-ssive shortage of text books and school supplies. at one point, there wasn’t even functioning heat in the bas-m-nt and the cl-sses had to be relocated to the caf when the temperature got much below 50 degrees. all the money was put into those 3 areas simply because they’re the only areas the parents and important figures ever see. they’ve got an effective facade up to make the school seem satisfactory.
the teachers have the second lowest salaries here than in any other part of our county, so all the sh-tty teachers are still here and all the good teachers have been given jobs elsewhere. however, there’s still hope, as some of the awesome teachers have settled for the sh-tty pay and awful teaching conditions.
n-body has anything better to do in mount olive than do drugs, drink, smoke and hang out at dunkin donuts. without even searching out places to buy drugs, the average student will know at least 3 or 4 places to buy pot, e, and any other drug you can possibly think of. the freshman pride themselves on the fact that they drink and like to put things on their mysp-ce like, “yeah, i drink, what are you gonna do about it?!!111?!!!!!!one!!eleven!!!1!!” because they think it makes them bad-ss.
half the township thinks they’re the most ghetto b-st-rds to walk the f-ckin earth, and the other half is made of emo and scene wannabees and the sn-bby b-st-rds that like to think they’re rich just because their mommy and daddy drive themselves into a financial hole by buying them 150 dollar hoodies, 300 dollar diamond necklaces and 300 dollar pairs of uggs. those specific people switch from preppy to goth to scene to skater as they see fit (whichever one they think makes them hotter at that moment in time), like to showcase their c-cup (actually a b-cup but don’t tell them that, they might implode) mono-t-ts, jiggling stomachs, fried hair, flabby -sses, thongs and they spend half their time naked on webcam with strangers from out of state and the other half of their time hanging out on the railroad tracks and sending nudes to their mysp-ce boyfriends.
you’re only liked if you’re hot or easy, the rest of the kids can just go jump off a cliff because n-body is gonna like them even if they’re the nicest b-st-rds on earth.
as if the rate of r-t-rded crimes wasn’t high enough, they’re moving homeless solutions into the forgotten neighborhood at the bottom of the mountain by using a loophole that allows them to place it in an area right at the outskirts of the neighborhood that’s considered washington. and because n-body that lives around that spot is considered washington and rather hackettstown, they can’t do a d-mn thing. you can’t walk 100 ft down the road without seeing at least 5 for sale signs because n-body wants to be around when they move the just out of jail and rehab hobos into the apartments they’re building. you better get your guns kids, the rapists are coming to town. others will see it as a great opportunity to buy more drugs than they already do.
in short, stay the f-ck away from mount olive.
typical mount olive sk-nk: yeah, and last night i had a 4-way with the biggest drug dealers in town! it was great, we went for an hour straight and i think i might be pregnant, but that’s okay, i’ll have a perfect life when the baby comes. and yeah, i drink, so what?! you wanna fight? come on b-tch, i’ll slap you! i’ll slap youuuu!!!!!
one of the few sensible humans in mt olive: get the f-ck out of my face you dirty wh-r- before i kick your f-cking -ss like your daddy should have a long f-cking time ago.
upper middle cl-ss town in north jersey where the sports teams suck but everyone shows up for the football games anyway, just because they want to pregame in the parking lot (oh yea, what parking lot?) the junior cl-ss thinks they are the senior cl-ss and the senior cl-ss always ends up at ccm. our school has no rivals because we are not good enough at sports but yet we make up our own rivalries. oh, and the 6th graders are more likely to be pregnant than the seniors.
where the f-ck is mount olive?
mount olive is an upper cl-ss township in new jersey, where every freaking person thinks they’re gangster, but dont know that actual meaning. they go off (the whitest kids) “yo, yo whaddupp g- squizzle fo shizzle”. yeah mhmm. and i mean really white kids say this thinking theyre the next big thing.
then everyone’s emo. everyone. they listen to the most hardcore music or at least say they do, and everyone is obsessed with emo. whether its music, personality, or style. “i think shes emo” “omg are you emo?” i cannot go on about the humongus shoes. dc, etnies, circa, emerica, vans, gallaz, you name it. the bigger the shoe, the better. everyone owns some kind of huge skateboarding shoe. along with element or fox clothing. “water, fire, your mom.” and heres another thing. to every stupid single response theres always someone who says “your mom”. and between every single word every one goes “baaaallinn'” but now the new thing is to say “balling.” (in the stupidest voice ever, like in the “omg shoes” video.) yeah everyones so cool.
in mount olive, the coolest hangout apparently is the dunkin donuts. theres a lot of them and one of the most popular ones is the one by the home goods. kids smoke, sit on the hoods of their cars there, blast music. its so kewl, yeah, mhmm. by the way, that dunkin donuts was recently driven into, shattered. yeah sucks we all know. sucks for the 12 year old kids who buy iced coffee from there. another ever popular hang out is the lou nelson park. i personally have been offered drugs there to which i kindly responded no and went home, afraid these people were going to kill me. they drive to that secluded park only to play bball and smoke blunts and get high off quaps and scare little kids. im not saying they would do anything but in the area near budd lake, theres been like 4 cases in one year. down the street from me somebody attacked a person with scissors and threw a telephone at them. further down the street somebody was murdered. around the corner, a man killed himself because his wife left him. closer to flanders, somebody was shot and thrown in the dumpster.
all girls in mount olive obssess over laguna beach, the hills, etc. they think mount olive is a mini version of the totally melodramatic series of laguna beach. they think its the most dramatic place every where “sh-t” always happens. theres so many rumors, drama, b-tchfits, fights, this and that, omg no way’s, he said, she said. yeah believe it or not that happens everywhere.
people think mount olive is the kewlest place ever. on their mysp-ces its always “im from the big mo” maybe like .5% of the united states population knows about it, its not that popular. they actually made shirts that say “dude, wheres mount olive?” mo spirit wear is like the next big thing, sweatpants, gymbags sweatshirts, flannel pjs. and its all worn to the football games that everyone goes to. but only like 1/2 of the people going there actually watch the game. the rest of the people screw around by the concession with the other 200 kids, who dont come back to the bleachers to watch the game after half-time.
kids always try to start food fights, but never get away with it. theres always police men in our schools. the teachers will always find out somehow and then theres 30 teachers and police in the cafeteria.
everyone goes to the rockaway mall, and thats another hangout. also everyone walks everywhere. like to everywhere. no matter how far it is.
6th graders think theyre awesome, get high, and are more likely to get knocked up than seniors.
well theres your basic description of mount olive.
g-d, its so boring here in mount olive.
a suburban town that is actually surprisingly decent and nowhere near as bad as everyone else here says. and definitely not so bad compared to other “bad” towns cuz we have the same problems as everyone else, not worse like everyone here would like to pity themselves and think. all in all, an average modern suburb that has great points, good points, bad points and a couple perfectly normal sh-tty points. oh, and budd lake, flanders and hacketstown are just lables for the different zip codes, there’s no difference between the areas, it’s all just mount olive.
mount olive has 4 elementary schools, mount olive middle school, mount olive high school, turkey brook park, budd lake beach and a couple other things, none of which are as bad as people would like to think.
a mixed cl-ss group in northern new jersey where i’m pretty sure it’s the only town with five dunkin’ donuts in it. aparently that’s the cool place to hang out, right. yeah .. anyway, going to school in mount olive is pretty much stupid. the excpectations are high, the dramas high, the students are high, and sometimes, i think the teachers are high. you’d me amazed at some of the stupid sh-t that comes out of their mouths. girls adore the fact that they can think that they’re on the hills, because they start drama .. yes, it’s that deep. moving on to high school where you can find any druggie within a 2 inch radius of another one! they just added more to the school, oh joy, most likely re-raising the excpectations for the future. yay to you 6th graders because aparently you have more time on your hands since you guys seem more likely to get pregnant than the high schoolers because they’re too busy with their homework and school work. yeah, so, in other news, mount olive is split up into 3 general areas, budd lake, flanders, and like a street of hackettstown. if you’re super-duper cool and want to be skater emo then go to the hackettstown skatepark. yeah because no one is skater/emo … right. ok, budd lake, also known as ‘crudd lake’ to some might have the highest violent crime rating out of the 3 parts. there’s two sets of ‘ghettos’ and if you come from the one by the middle school, well, then you’re f-cked because you don’t get an option, you’re ghetto. if you come from the other, well it’s a toss up, you can be skater, pot-head, ghetto, or a creepy combination. there’s small houses set around the lake for people that don’t want to live in the ghetto, but can’t afford the big houses, or just don’t want to pay the rising taxes on that house. ofcourse, there’s big houses, there has to be .. because mayor scappichio says so .. oh yeah, then there’s flanders where i don’t think there’s one ghetto, but there are like 2+ groceries stores, right next to eachother. also, good luck high schoolers who have dreams beyond ccm, since you really didn’t give a f-ck in school and just hung around the dunkin’ donuts parking lot thinking you’re cool, you’ll never get out of f-cking mount olive!
“i don’t know where we’re gonna move little johnny!”
“i don’t care as long as it’s not to mount olive!”
mount olive. where do i start? it is a little place in northern new jersey, where n-body knows who they f-cking are. everyone follows everyone, and the entirety of the highschool is basically a pack of soldiers. you aren’t cool unless you binge vodka like it’s going out of style, and you shouldn’t even bother going within a one mile radius of the place if you think you’re going to get people to listen to music other than the ghettoist sh-t in the universe. weed is everyones best friend, and if you’ve never seen the stuff, you definitely don’t live in mount olive. every girl thinks they are better than the next and they think starting the lamest drama will get them known. but they are so wrong. everyone knows everything about eachother and it f-cking sucks. the highschool is freezing as antarctica in the winter, and hotter than h-ll in the summer. they might as well just have the school outside. the freshman are the trashiest around, and think they’re the sh-t when they actually get looked down on and people think they’re disgusting. some of the freshmen girls think it’s cute to wear two-inch long denim skirts in the winter with flipflops, when everyone can actually see their -sses and n-body thinks it’s hot. well, the guys do. the guys at mount olive high school are the most judgemental -ssholes you will ever meet. you’re only considered hot if you dress like a boy and wear sweatpants and sweatshirts 87 sizes to big to school, or if you wear almost nothing. if you don’t fit in to any of those female outlines, you might as well start pouring the lighter fluid on yourself because no guy will ever talk to you. if you walk around the halls without a p-ss, just put handcuffs on yourself, because there’s no way in h-ll your getting past the lobby. in mount olive, cocaine is the new weed, and weed is the new alcohol. speaking of alcohol, if you even go near a party in mount olive, you probably should throw your camera into the forest, because little freshmen who have absolutely nothing better to do really enjoy showing the administrators pictures of every single kid chugging a bottle of vodka, or sucking on a keg. n-body likes the freshmen anyway, and this just makes them become even more hated than they already are. good going! hey freshmen! word of advice: if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!
moving on to the sports teams of mount olive. every single sport never wins one game all season. they tried changing coaches, but then they realized it’s just the kids. if you go to a football game, you may only see about 7 people sitting on the bleachers, because n-body really gives a sh-t. everybody just pre-games before, and walks around the field behind the bleachers wasted and happy. the only sport mount olive is remotely good at, is wrestling. but directly after the wrestling season is over, comes lacrosse. and then roxbury whips mount olive’s -ss.
mount olive is separated in to two sections; budd lake, and flanders. flanders is a place where the only thing you will p-ss when driving by is a lame shopping center that consists of a mcdonalds, a dunkin donuts, and a grocery store. the only time anybody really enters the center is when they want to steal hair products and gum because they’re too poor, or come to one of the fast food places because they’re either wasted or have the munchies. in flanders, there is an area commonly known as flanders crossing. it is a place where every house is about 5 inches from the next, and everyone there is a huge -sshole. they call themselves bad-ss because they all live on top of eachother and they think they’re hot sh-t, when in reality everybody hates them, and they all look like overgrown 5th graders. budd lake is probably the sc-mmiest place to be. n-body knows eachother there, and you probably couldn’t turn a corner without being offered drugs. the lake is known to have bodies, dogs, and even cars lying at the bottom. luckily, one specific car was saved from these disgusting waters, along with the person driving it! :d the only part of budd lake people actually enjoy is the bp gas station, because it is the only place around where you can buy cigarettes at any age and not be examined with a lie detector.
oh, good old mount olive. maybe one day you’ll learn what good music is, and how white-trash you really are.
boy: “hey, you’re cute! where are you from?”
girl: -giggles- “mount olive!”
boy: “get the f-ck out of my life”