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a small group of islands inhabited by a few million people and a ton of sheep. the people of new zealand call the brown fuzzy fruit kiwis, the brown furry bird kiwis and themselves? also kiwis. these small islands rightly claim to have the best rugby team in the world and a few world famous figures (such as lorde). of course they have also the fizzy drink that tastes like sprite – l and p (world famous in nz) bottom line is, they’re pretty unimportant according to the rest of the world and amazing according to them.
new zealand is not australia.

abel tasman national park

cathedral cove

new zealand

nz map
an insignificant group of islands in the south pacific inhabited by 55 million sheep, 4.5 million of which think they are human.
american: “are you british?”
new zealander: “nah mate, i’m from new zealand.”
american: -blank stare-

english bartender: “what’s it to be guv?”
new zealander: “a pint of lager thanks.”
english bartender: “i see your cricketers beat us in the ashes again.”
a cr-ppy country where people are either idiotic risk takers like bungee jumpers or country hicks (most of the population), animals ruining scenery or causing roadblocks, nothing to praise but scenery, much of which is boring & repet-tive, constant rain, constant freak weather nowadays, little american influence, everyone’s so british even though it’s not a british country anymore and hasn’t been for a long time, everyone and everything seems strange down there, everything’s expensive, not much to do, etc. australia’s a lot better
“dude i’m going to new zealand”
“have you lost your mind?”
new zealand

a land full of xenophobic, bad driving, stupid, one eyed, selfish, deluded, aussie hating tw-ts.
the country is quite nice but none of the new zealanders have any clue about it they all want to get out and go on ther oe. once on their oe they rarely return because there is not work and any work there is will be better paid elsewhere.
‘i live in a beautiful country full of friendly people here in new zealand’ !! yeah right it has the highest sucide rate of teenagers. a huge drug and alcohol problem. high chest problems because they live in wooden houses with poor heating. i rains constanly hence a green land under a long white cloud.
hey everyone leave new zealand alone, its a nice caring country that loves everyone. sure we may not be sophisticated or smart or diverse, but we make do with what we`ve got/. i myself am a plumber, my weekly pay packet is enough to feed my family of sheep and to buy a brush to keep the wool out of my eyes. i love new zealand. sometimes i stand on the west coast and c-ck my ear over towards them aussies to see if theyre talking about us lol but they never talk about us, i dont think theyre even aware that we exist. i love aussies. i wished i could hire a tug boat to tow new zealand across the tasman and join it onto the east coast of australia, then i`ll be able to sleep soundly at night knowing that i`m finally home. thankyou australia from the bottom of my heart.
please mrs helen clarke make new zealand an australian state.
country east of australia, extending slightly further south than the australian island of tasmania. has an extremely overrated reputation, especially for its physical beauty,
most likely spread by nzers themselves. to hear them speak you’d never know any other country has snow-capped mountains, beaches or fiords. in reality,
it’s cities are uninspiring and boring, the landscape is monotonous, it has been horrible deforested, and all that green you see is sheep and dairy pastures, which are very hard on the land. there are mountains in the south, but the lanscape there is nothing compared to many other places in the world, for example southern patagonia, which extends much further south and is much closer to antarctica, a fact which would likely be a surprise to most nzers, as they believe they are furthest south. they may not teach much geography there, which would account for their thinking of their country as somehow special.
very nice beaches, and there are lots of them.

government: not a democracy. led by the ugliest head of state in the world (helen clarke). now there’s a superlative that is actually true! horribly bloated government. mps take the people’s money and live the good life, robbing the citizens of the social services they should be getting. probably way more corrupt than anyone is willing to admit.

education: a university education is very expensive and not subsidized by the government, except as low interest loans. despite a hugely taxed populace, the government provides no real financial aid for university.

language: extreme accent. hard to listen to, hard to understand. their language is peppered with australian slang. hardly any of it is homegrown.

quality of life: unless you are rich you can expect: a really small house, usually extremely ugly, unless it’s old. no air conditioning. no central heating. no fly screens. hardly any channels on the tv, unless you get sky tv, then you pay for hardly any channels. food is of extremely limited variety. the meat is sometimes of exceptionally poor quality, often tough and tasteless. it’s the luck of the draw. hardly any variety of vegetables. awful bread. if you love to cook and try new things, would be hard place to live in. the standard size refrigerators are very small compared to the us. so are stoves and ovens. unless you want to pay alot of money, you cannot own a clothes dryer.
has the highest cell phone rates in the world.
all electronics are extremely expensive, so you have to make a good salary to enjoy modern technology. unless you want to pay too much, forget about a really big tv. dvds are expensive, and there’s a limited range.
salaries are lower than other western countries, and the mostly imported goods are more expensive. the clothes is expensive and it’s hard to find non polyester blend items at a reasonable cost.
unless you pay top dollar, the utility company may turn off your hot water, without warning you first!
toilets are often kept in narrow rooms, apart from bath or shower, sometimes without enough room for a washbasin.
the only large bookstore in the entire auckland area is borders, a recent american import.
rugby mania is so prevalent, it gives the place an odd feel, as if it really were a caricature of itself.

governement services: bloated welfare system, most everything else neglected and substandard.

diversity of population: not really. lots of polynesian and asians, a smattering of brits and south africans, and the occasional eastern european.
the americas, north and south, have hardly a presence there. very few africans.

auckland: the most boring large city in the world, which is not surprising, being that it’s in the most boring country in the world. culturally backward, like the rest of the country. no particularly interesting architecture. no rich cultural life. quite dirty and unsafe in it’s southern suburbs. some streets there strongly recall streets in third world countries.

housing: has some of the ugliest domestic architecture in the western world. older homes are charming enough, but anything built after around 1940 will be ugly as sin, and really small. unless you’re rich. then it will probably be ugly too, but at least it will be bigger.
most people do not have attics or bas-m-nts, so no place to keep your stuff.

internet: because posting things to nz from the outside world costs so much, wonderful things like ebay and amazon
are virtually unknown here. online trading sites within the country are a mickey mouse version of ebay.

shopping: most stores close by 6:00, including shopping malls, and home improvement and hardware stores (except for one day a week). this includes weekends. there are a few exceptions, and they’re always full of customers until late.

wood products are extremely expensive, so people commonly own cheap looking stuff. kitchen cabinets are made of the same cheap materials used in dentists offices and vet clinics in the us.

health care: a travesty. long waiting lists for both routine and necessary procedures. probably worse than britain.

att-tude: racist all around, make up for it with a nauseating pc att-tude. make a bit deal out of “kiwi ingenuity.” what this really means is they have so little in the country, they’ve often had to make do and improvise.
terrible and embarr-ssing inferiority complex.

country has not progressed much in the last 30 years or so. as the modern western world is a more comfortable place, full of affordable high end goods, this country is trapped in time, for all the wrong reasons.
many nzers leave and live in australia, which is quite understandable.

culture: tv, slang, dress, etc. all come from australia.

media: few tv channels, substandard newspapers. to get well written intelligent news, must read the foreing papers. ny times is not really available. might find an a copy several weeks old selling in the airport for around $12.00 us.
i live in new zealand, so i should know.
country voted to have the least s-xy accent in the world. the men’s voices sound as if their voice box has been pushed to the back of their neck.

the people of new zealand get upset easily. they will often try to start fights, especially with australians who just laugh and wonder why new zealanders get so angry.

the reason new zealanders get angry is because it is a matriachal society and women are hypnotised by a small group of women to never have s-x. the reason for this is power of course, but it has nasty side effects – everyone knows that a man who doesn’t get any, is irritable and tries to pick fights with their neighbours.

the only men that do get s-x, are the sons of the abovementioned small group of women, and they are f-cked by their mothers from a young age. these guys are extremely proud as you can see from a lot of the posts here. just walk the streets of a new zealand city any time and you’ll know what i mean.
australian tourist in new zealand: excuse me, sorry to bother you. do you have the time?

new zealander: the time? what the f-ck did you say to me? new zealand would waste australia.

tourist: -sigh-
(proper) noun.

a mythical place in the southern pacific ocean made of clouds, that was invented by australians.

legends that ascribe “new zealand” to be the birthplace of a variety of australian celebrities, including ernest rutherford, edmund hillary, burt munro, russell crowe, keith urban and sonny bill williams, can be traced back to early social engineering attempts undertaken by radical left-wing political movements that are also responsible for a once widely circulated urban myth: that the british couldn’t conquer “new zealand” and so had to sign treaties with the original inhabitants.
various popular musical bands also claim to be “from new zealand”, such as crowded house, fat freddy’s drop and flight of the conchords, though this is usually not part of a crazy belief system, but a clever marketing ploy.
the famous poet and philosopher, munter, sometimes describes his ancestry as originating in “new zealand”, though this is usually a reference to his earlier work where he disproved the theory of epiphenomenalism.

see also: new zealander adjective derrog..
rugby players that happen to be drunkards, sheep molesters and adults that have difficulty with shoes, as depicted in the australian historical docu-drama “footrot flats”, are also frequently referred to as new zealanders.
high school student (drunk): ‘wun ee grew oop, ee winna bi uhn oozie, eh bro, ow’.

teacher: ‘don’t give up jerome; you’re nearly ready for crayons…baby steps…and please, just call me “miss”; it will more than double your productivity rate’.

high school student: ‘oo kah eh bro, noo woories ow bro, jest coz oo cull mi uh new zealander, yis or stull oolright, yeh oz- ut’s chooiice izzzz, eh? ow.’

teacher: ‘any more talk of this, “new zealand” nonsense, and i’ll have you banned from rugby’.

high school student: ‘chooiice izzz broo’

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