Porch Beer

here is the porch beer recipe. it can only be made in the summer.

1. buy a bunch of heineken. this is the raw ingredient necessary for the brew. no subst-tutions with quality beer allowed.
2. put it in a cooler with ice and a bunch of other beer and a turkey/tomato/mayo/lettuce/swiss wrap. let part of the sandwich fall into the ice.
3. leave the cooler on the back porch in the sun for a month. do not drain the water or pick out the wrap.
4. open the cooler, and clean everything up. throw out all the other brands of beer and wash teh heiny bottles under your backyard spigot to get the cap rust off and to clean off the botulism from what was the turkey wrap.
5. line the beers up on the same bench you have the upended cooler drying out on. ensure this location gets the sun/rain/wind, etc.
6. leave beer in the sun for a month or more.
7. put beer in fridge.
8. drink and stand the fug back.

note: author is not responsible for what happens to you, or those around you, your loved ones or your marriage.

author’s stomach and intestines have been hardened by food poisoning in turkey, by undercooked lamb and sheep t-st-cl-s in south africa, balut in the philippines, swamp crawdads and by years of bad cooking. the novice porch beer maker with a wonder bread stomach could be killed.

may g-d have mercy on your soul.
last year’s foolhardy porch beer experiments are still haunting my colon.
2 more definitions
when you don’t feel justified paying 7.99 for a beer at a local bar, when you can buy the 6 pack and have 6 friends over for the same price, drinking beers on the front porch.
i wanted to go out, but my budget was tight so i called my pals and invited them over for porch beers. first round is on me!
a porch beer is when you are home and don’t feel like going out so you sit on your porch with a friend and have a beer. all of a sudden more people show up!
you never know when a few porch beers with your friend could lead to an all out party right there on your front porch.