Portland Hipster

usually defined as a person who:

a. drinks pbr
b. has the money to bath, but doesn’t

c. cuts their own hair, badly.
c. wears “ironic” 80’s clothes
e. has a bike
f. has a beard
g. rolls their pant legs up to high
“blank is such a portland hipster. just look at him with his brand new bike, riding down the middle of the street drunk on pbr. it even looks like he cut his dreadlocks last night in his bathroom!”
– does not work, “fun-employed”
– or works in a bike shop otherwise a coffee shop (part-time)
– wears tattered or gently used vintage cr-p
– buys their jeans in the kids section
– rides a fixi tricycle because they are overwhelmed by driving
– pretend like they know how to actually fix bikes
– smokes american spirits until they cough up blood
– drinks 2 pbr’s and then complains of stomac pain in order to return to their coffin-like appartment
– says that they go out when really all they do is lean against walls outside of gameboy-music concerts and chain smoke to avoid awkwardness from an apparent lack of social skills
i am a portland hipster because i told my parents that i had a job interview today, but instead all i really did was lay on a hill overlooking some train tracks and a depot drinking pbr’s and smoking cigarettes. it was a cloudy day, so i wore my little-boy jeans and a pair of ray bans.