Procrastisaurus


a foul retail beastie that manifests itself as an individual who waits well beyond any rational deadline to begin a m-ssive project and then proceeds to make everyone in the service industry who is within their sphere of influence subservient to the process of completing the project on time. generally supercedes the needs of the less severe but equally disturbing “procrastidons” who roam in vast aimless herds intent on bothering various retail clerks with super-innocuous pseudo-questions and random requests, most of which are completely irrelevant to the task at hand but are invoked nonetheless.
kinkos wonk:”may i help you?”
procrastidon 1: “hi, yes i need…”
procrastidon 2: “wait, me. i always go first…”
procrastidon 3: “i gotta have this 10 minutes ago yesterday. step aside.”
procrastidon 4:” it says ‘copies’ on the sign out front. do you wash cars? do you like your job?”
procrastisaurus:”outta the way! this is a matter of unmatched urgency! now move it!”
kinkos wonk: “sir, this person was here before y…”
procrastisaurus:”you have no sense of the magnitude of urgency attached to this project! clear the way you little b-st-rds!!!”
kinkos wonk:” i have to go take a sh-t…”
procrastisaurus:”aaaaarrrghhhhhh!!!! boom!!!”
procrastidon 1: ” oh cool…his head blew up.”
procrastidon 4:”can i…like… get that car wash now but without the car cuz…like… that loud guy got brains all over my fries n’ stuff and i can’t eat ’em now. can i get another order of fries instead? where am i?
1. the last of the dinosaurs to die. it was similar to a stegosaurus, but it had an uncanny ability to put things off untill the last possible moment. it could go for days without eating, and then, just before it starved to death, it would find food. it was the last dinosaur to die because of it’s urge to “get around to it.”

2. someone who is an obsessive procrastinator, but still mannages to get things done – eventually. more of a compliment than an insult.
1. the procrastisaurus could last up to 3 weeks without food or water.

2. she is such a procrastisaurus! she did her homework less than five minutes before it was due!
the procrastinators who religiously procrastinate. or simply never complete anything.
no matter what joe does he procrastinates. hes such a procrastisaurus! there is nothing he ever completes.

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