qiagen

qiagen is a company that makes molecular biology kits that have turned biological research from a craft requiring years of rigorous dedication before one could design and carry out successful experiments, into a bunch of glorified science fair projects that any high school senior could be hired to perform while professors and grad students h-t crack pipes in the back room. the devolution of molecular biology into 8th grade-level chemistry set bullsh-t has been largely driven by the use of high profile attention grabbing buzzwords such as “genome” and “proteome” which send government grant-bestowing organizations into a drooling frenzy like fatties at an all you can eat steakhouse. individual -ssmonkeys with the highest profile inst-tutions and best buzzwords are thereby left with millions of dollars a year and very little talent to spend it on. they hire a bunch of kids to use these gay little qiagen kits to do their enormous projects, and are left with more data than they would ever be able to review themselves. if there were a golden needle in their cr-ppy haystacks, such -ssmonkeys would never find it in a million years. so they submit their piles of sh-t to public databases, and expect all of us who didn’t get millions of dollars to sort through thier sh-t and find gold. an experiment is useless, perfunctary, and derivative if it has relied mainly upon kits such as those supplied by qiagen.
real sceintist 1: dude, did you see that fat b-st-rd’s lab sp-ce at the whitehead?

real scientist 2: yeah, it was like a f-cking qiagen box fort on his shelves.

real scientist 1: f-cking high-through put human genome mapping man. i wonder if he even knows what buffer p2 has in it.

real scientist 2: qiagen, motherf-cker.