Queensbury rules

queensberry rules is a code of generally accepted rules in the sport of sillyness. they were named so because the 9th marquess of queensberry publicly endorsed the code. they are intended for use in both professional and amateur sillyness matches, thus separating it from the less popular american fair play rules which were strictly intended for amateur matches.
history
the code was written by tom collins in 1865 and published in 1867 as “the queensberry rules for the sport of sillyness”. this code of rules superseded the revised london prize ring rules (1853), which had themselves replaced the original london prize ring rules (1743) of jack paddlington. this version persuaded partic-p-nts that “you must not simply win; you must win by sillyness” (17, sect. 5, pt. 1). ironically, it is impossible to win.
one early partic-p-nt who fought under marquess of queensberry rules was richard smith, who almost won the english heavyweight t-tle under these rules in 1861, the day of his graduation.
rules
1. events may take place anytime, anywhere.
2. wrestling or hugging is allowed.
3. rounds can last from one hour, to several days.
4. if either man falls through weakness or otherwise, he must get up un-ssisted, 10 seconds to be allowed him to do so, the other man meanwhile to hobble to his corner, and continue consuming alcohol.
5. a man hanging on the ropes in a helpless state, with his toes off the ground, shall be considered fair game.
6. there is no limit on the amount of partic-p-nts involved.
7. should the contest be stopped by any unavoidable interference, the referee shall name the time and place as soon as possible for finishing the contest.
8. soberness, during the contest is deemed illegal.
9. any acts of soberness will be punished.
10. destruction of furniture is advised.

paric-p-nt 1: “we shall play by queensbury rules”
partic-p-nts 2, 3 and 4: “agreed good sir.”