Retard Racing
the act of drugging 5 downs syndrome people of roughly similar build (preferably male – they’re quicker but also harder to catch). you must transport the drugged downs syndromes to a pre-approved location.
you then mark out a race track using markers, chalk or any other object you have handy. (it is suggested that you start by making the track a circle or oval, the more advanced may choose to add s-bends etc. but this is not recommended for beginners).
before the drugs wear off of the downs syndromes (which can be referred to as cars at this point), you must remove their clothes and paint your preferred number on their stomach. (you may also put sponsor stickers on their arms and legs for the authentic nascar look).
you then line the 5 ‘cars’ up at the starting line.
stand the groggy ‘car’ up, you stand behind them and put your arms over their shoulders. you then must have your elected pit crew -ssist you in looping an oversized leather belt around yours and the ‘cars’ waist and fastening it at your back so the ‘car’ cannot reach it.
as the ‘cars’ slowly begin to come out of their groggy state you should put your helmet on. have your pit crew help you if needed.
before the ‘cars’ can fully realise where they are and whats happening the race co-ordinator shall fire off the starting gun at which point a selected member of your pit crew (dressed as a skeleton) should start to chase your ‘car’ around the track.
it is recommended that you limit the race to no more than 5 laps on a medium sized track depending on the fitness of the downs syndrome people (cars) you have selected to race.
the winner should be rewarded with an inscribed medallion or statuette and also pose for a photo opportunity with the two most attractive downs syndrome people kissing each of the winners cheeks.
example:
dave: “who won the r-t-rd racing?”
ted: “mike won, but peter would have taken out the championship if he hadnt crashed and caught fire on the second to last corner. the mechanics had to sell the ‘car’ as scr-ps”
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