ringhead

also known as a “headnest”, “hotdog cut” and a “horseshoe”, the ringhead is a hairstyle common on balding middle-aged men. it is a distant cousin of the more familiar “cue ball” and “chrome dome”. the ringhead takes the form of a line of hair perpetuating around the back of the head and terminating above the ears, while the rest of the head is either bald or only thinly covered in hair. you could think of the ringhead as a sort of m-ssive bald spot to better understand the phenomenon. rather than a preferred style, the ringhead is usually an attempt to keep the remaining hair one has and thus serves a defensive purpose against baldness. the ringhead has a few subtypes that are worth exploring:

1. the standard ringhead-this is the most common form of ringhead. the standard ringhead is also very common among doctors, lawyers, professors and scientists, the theory being that because these occupations are held predominately by middle-aged men, there is an increased incidence of ringhead. in these cases, it’s not uncommon to see the ringhead worn in conjunction with spectacles. this variation of the sr is dubbed the “intellectual” ringhead, or, in other cases the “professional” ringhead, as the gl-sses and partial baldness project an aura of competence and experience (some people refer to it as the castanza as well, in reference to the seinfeld character).

examples of the standard ringhead include: george castanza, dr. phil, d-ck cheney, danny devito, dr. katz, homer simpson and mr. sp-cely from the jetsons.

2. the curtainhead-also called the “haircape” the curtainhead is a type of ringhead in which the ring is trimmed so infrequently that it grows long and forms a curtain of hair around the back of the head. this dew is sported frequently by homeless people (as they cannot afford haircut) and aging hippies. it is not worn by many others. this is understandable, since this hairstyle does not look very appealing and projects a sense of “trashyness”. it is believed that some who wear this style are insecure about their hair loss, and so are compensating by growing their peripheral hair out very long.

examples of the curtainhead include: lots of b-ms and hippies, and jay sherman from “the critic”.

3. the combover ringhead-a standard ringhead with a combover. very tacky. reflects insincerity as the person is trying to fool you into thinking they have hair and are younger than they are. worn by dishonest people, such as used-car and bible salesmen, people on infomercials, and by people who don’t want to accept the reality that they are getting old.

examples of the combover ringhead include: woody harrelson and bill murray in “kingpin”.

father: “steve!! what the h-ll did you do to your hair!!?”
son: “i got a ringhead and there’s nothing you can do to change it!! i’m an individual and i can express myself however i want!”
father: “you idiot. ringheads are for balding old men.”