Rucalator
a ruler that has a calculator built into it. and it being the only item in existence that can measure and calculate at the same time. but of course to posses such awesome power it requires a sacrifice of blood everyday and d-mns your soul to h-ll if you touch it.
generic loser: can i borrow your calculator?
generic loser #2: i am sorry but i forgot to fill my rucalator with blood this morning. want to help?
generic loser: sure wait…what?
generic loser #2: here (puts rucalator in generic loser’s hand)
generic loser: i don’t want…
generic loser #2: now at the time of your death please report to the flaming red door that smells of brimstone on your left.
generic loser: wait…what?
generic loser #2: exactly.
generic loser: but only when i die right.
generic loser #2: yep
generic loser: so do you know how i die?
generic loser #2: yep
generic loser: how?
generic loser #2: rucalator slash across the neck.
generic loser: when?
generic loser #2: geuss?
generic loser: oh sh-t
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