Salvatard
function: noun
etymology: engli-talian. deviation of the common italian-american name, salvatore, ending with an obvious connection to a secondary description.
1. along with excessive hand gesturing, lacks the ability to “get to the point”. all stories must contain as much detail as possible leading to complete impatience for the receiving party. (see example 1)
2. all cooking is done shirtless. like a dog, was born without a human’s under-appreciated sweat glands. this results in the body quickly overheating when placed near an open flame, such as a stove. (see example 2)
example 1
steve: hey sal, how was last night?
salvatard: oh so last night, i’m getting ready to go out, so i begin polishing my shoes, because they were messed up from the snow. crazy weather lately, huh? this polish is great; i got it from a store just around the corner from my house. this store is owned by a nice guy i’ve known for like 5 years…
steve: (internally) sh-t, is he seriously still talking?
salvatard: long story short, short story longer, yea real nice guy, so anyways…
steve: uh-huh.
example 2
steve: what a great night’s sleep i just had. oooh i smell bacon and eggs.
salvatard: ayo! good morning, breakfast is on.
steve: (noticing sal is shirtless over the eggs) sh-t!
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