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the fat b-st-rd who didn’t give me a b-mblebee transformer in 1985, and will die a slow, painful death for being such a lying son of a b-tch.
me: all i want this year is a b-mblebee transformer.
santa claus: alright, you’ve got it.

— christmas morning 1985 —
me: (sobbing) mommy, i didn’t get a b-mblebee transformer.
mommy: santa must not have had enough in stock for all the demand.
me: (yelling) i don’t give a sh-t, he’s a f-cking lying fat b-st-rd!

— christmas eve 2010 —
santa claus: what the…? who are you?
me: i’m the kid you didn’t get off your fat -ss to find a b-mblebee transformer for in 1985.
santa claus: i’m sorry.
me: you will be sorry when i feed you your own nuts! where’s my scissors? and by the way, the b-mblebee transformer isn’t too hard to find now. i’ve got one right here. bend over and i’ll show it to you.

santa claus
the code name for a pedifile that has cannot be caught because he knows when your awake. think about it…first he watches children to see if the are being “naughty” or “nice” then on christmas eve he breaks into home in the middle of the night, leaves “presents” for little “boys and girls”, eat all the cookies and drinks up all the white stuff then leaves with a s-d-stic “ho ho ho”.
kid1- did santa claus come to your house last night?
kid2- i…i don’t wanna talk about it -bursts into tears-
a red communist fat -ss who doesn’t know how to shave and owes me a pogo stick.
santa claus: ho, ho, ho! merry christmas!

me: there is nothing good about who you are or what you do.
when a married couple decide to spice up their love-making, they do the santa claus. this consists of the man sitting down in a santa costume while the girl gets b-tt-s-xed. she then proclaims, “i’ve been a naughty girl.” and santa says “i’m giving you a lump of coal this year.” she then yells out “i’ll give you a lump of coal!” and then proceeds to defecate on his p-n-s.
jeremy: “let’s spice up our s-x life with the santa claus.”
korey: “are you sure? we just ate taco bell…”
jeremy: “oh sh-t, let’s do it on the tile then.”

keith: “ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh sh-t. it’s december 24th”
vahid: “so what does that mean?”
keith: “santa claus is coming to town tomorrow (winky face)”
the greatest ninja of all time!!!

1. he can’t be seen

2. only a true ninja can break into that many houses, undetected, in one night
3. he taught reindeer to hover and fly, and we all know that, while only superheros and ninja can fly, only a ninja can teach other lifeforms to do it too… that’s right, the reindeer had to become ninjas too.
kid: i’m gonna stay up and try to see santa claus :d

brother: no!!! don’t do that!!! i heard, that the reason his suit is red is from the blood of children trying to sneak a peek at him…

kid: huh? santa kills you if you see him?

brother: he has to! it’s the code of the ninja! they’re not supposed to be seen. you see them; they kill you!

kid: (cries)
an annoying robot on aim.
he’ll keep on asking you to type “menu” or “games”. he repeats himself a lot.
me: heylo
santaclaus: hey. are you getting in the christmas sprit?

me: nope
santaclaus: i’m sorry then. why don’t you type, menu for a list of things the elves have left for you?

me: no
santaclaus: o.k. then. well, have a merry christmas in any case.

me: i don’t celebrate christmas
santaclaus: it doesn’t matter what faith you are; the holidays are a time of good will toward all

me: i don’t believe in you
santaclaus: oh, no? just who do you think you’re talking to?

me: you’re just a fat 50 yeaar old pedo ):
santaclaus: excuse me?

me: you’re a fat 50 year old pedophile
santaclaus: take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. o.k. ?

me: no
santaclaus: the elves and i are just asking so that we can better understand what you’re saying, that’s all.

me: shut up
santaclaus:
o.k. let’s pretend none of this ever happened.

me: why?
santaclaus:
because (obviously) — christmas.

me: you’re stupid
santaclaus: well, i’m trying to learn. i’ve seen quite a lot in my time. i just want people to get that christmas spirit. i don’t think that is too much to ask.

me: ok i’m leaving
santaclaus: ok. merry christmas.
he’s making a list and checking it twice. apparently, he’ll find out who’s naughty or nice.
santa claus is coming to town.

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