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1.noun – shee-tek-tiv
women who waste time investigating things they already know the answers to.

instead of using known facts to make a decision, the investigation of the situations is more important. sometimes leaving shetectives in terrible relationships for months or years while they conduct their investigations.

shetectives use investigative methods that they feel are ok because they are women, but would feel those methods are controlling or abusive if used by men.

shetective investigate methods include but are not limited to:

~waiting for time alone with your phone so that she can go through all contacts, texts, pictures and calls.

~not knowing how to do anything on a computer but search your browser history.

~revisiting old questions and conversations by pretending you have not discussed them to see if your answers were the same as last time.

~manipulating you into checking your voicemail from a phone that captures all numbers keyed into it. even the ones after the actual phone number. these extra numbers will contain your voicemail pin which she will identify and use to listen to your voicemail later or when you are asleep.
shetective – i saw you having dinner with your ex. you said you were going to your moms house.

sh-ggy – wasn’t me.

shetective – i saw you kiss her.

sh-ggy – wasn’t me.

shetective – ok. it was dark maybe it wasn’t you. lets go to bed. here baby check your messages i think your mother called.

later that evening at 2am.

shetective – wake your @$$ up!!!! why is your ex leaving you voicemails about being pregnant!