Sidhu Surprise
technically a defensive act, the sidhu surprise is the most base and depraved form of self preservation. it consists first of cutting holes into both front pockets of all your pants. then you must sport a huge erection at all times. in the eventuality that someone tries to rob you by putting a weapon to your face and thrusting their hands into your pockets, they get only a fistful of your c-ck. the moment the thief realizes that he’s clutching your erect and pulsating hog, he is simultaneously stricken with horror, fear, and disgust. at this point it is essential to establish eye contact and very subtly offer the delinquent a mischievous grin. the felon generally flees wildly in response. the sidhu surprise has been known to cause suicide in its victims. this technique works best if you frequent shady areas where pick pocketers and other unsavory types are known to lurk. the original sidhu of 1865 could remain erect all day, but others who have mimicked his methods usually needed to maintain high levels of v–gr- in their systems in order to be properly prepared to deliver “the surprise”.
when i went to south america last year, i almost got robbed three times. luckily, i gave them the sidhu surprise and now two of the would-be thieves are dead and the last one has taken a keen liking to male brothels.
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