Smoking Vegan Syndrome
svs is a condition characterized by smug and well-timed references to one’s veganism, citing statistically insignificant studies showing that vegan diets are healthier for your body and the environment–often while taking a drag from a cigarette, thereby negating everything they supposedly stand for and showcasing their vulnerability to worthless trends. those suffering from svs will often remind you of how dangerous pesticides and mysterious chemicals are, especially those that haven’t been studied, and are likely to direct you to various wikipedia articles detailing conspiracy theories that are surely to blame for their recent development of a cough. svs victims usually appear to be completely oblivious to the fact that every chemical in cigarettes has been extensively studied, and is, without any shadow of a doubt, deadly, dangerous, and the cause of their recent cough, suppressed immune system, and possibly their brush with derangement.
if you suspect that you or a friend may be suffering from svs, direct them to your local clinic for a blood test and a pamphlet.
tom: “are you eating a chicken salad? ha, yeah, that’s how i used to eat before i took a few nutrition cl-sses and did some research online. chicken salads are officially endorsed by monsanto, you know.” -drags on cigarette-
mary: “ugh… tom.. you’re looking kind of hipster lately… have you been to the doctor for a smoking vegan syndrome test?”
tom: -wheezes- “i try to stay away from doctors. ever noticed how hard they try to vaccinate you?!”
mary: -sigh..-
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