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colonel sandurz: how about you two? found anything yet?
black gaurd: we ain’t found sh-t!

colonel sandurz: it’s mega-maid! she’s gone from suck to blow!

dark helmet: i bet she gives great helmet.

ludicrous speed, go!

dark helmet: out of order? f-ck! even in the future, nothing works!

president skroob: sandurz, sandurz. you got to help me. i don’t know what to do. i can’t make decisions. i’m a president!

dark helmet: so, lone star, now you see that evil will always triumph because “good is dumb.”

dark helmet: what’s the matter colonel sandurz? chicken?

dark helmet: who made that man a gunner?
maj. -sshole: i did, sir. he’s my cousin.
dark helmet: who is he?
col. sandurz: he’s an -sshole, sir.
dark helmet: i know that. what’s his name?
col. sandurz: that is his name, sir. -sshole, major -sshole.
dark helmet: and his cousin?
col. sandurz: he’s an -sshole too, sir. gunner’s mate, first cl-ss, philip -sshole.
dark helmet: how many -ssholes we got on this ship, any how?
everyone: yo!
dark helmet: i knew it. i’m surrounded by -ssholes. keep firing, -ssholes!

dark helmet: you have the ring, and i see your schwartz is as big as mine. now, let’s see how well you handle it.

dark helmet: what? you went over my helmet?

dark helm.: what the h-ll am i looking at? when does this happen in the movie?
colonel sandurz: now. you’re looking at now, sir. everything that happens now is happening now.
dark helm.: what hapened to then?
colonel sandurz: we p-ssed then.
dark helm.: when?
colonel sandurz: just now. we’re at now now.
dark helm.: go back to then.
colonel sandurz: when?
dark helm.: now!
colonel sandurz: now?
dark helm.: now!
colonel sandurz: i can’t.
dark helm.: why?
colonel sandurz: we missed it.
dark helm.: when?
colonel sandurz: just now.
dark helm.: when will then be now?
colonel sandurz: soon.

dark helm.: knock on my door! knock next time!
colonel sandurz: yes, sir!
dark helm.: did you see anything?
colonel sandurz: no, sir! i didn’t see you playing with you dolls again.
dark helm.: good!

guard: what the h-ll are you doing?
lone star: the vulcan neck pinch?

dark helm.: raspberry. there’s only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: lone star!”
we will see eachother again in sp-ceb-lls two: the search for more money.
awesome movie by mel brooks
we brake for n-body
best movie spoof ever by mel brooks
sp-ceb-lls kicks -ss
mel brooks’ best movie, and one of the funnyest movies ever made, next to airplane!
“sp-ceball one”
the most m-f- funny take the p-ss out of star wars film ever made
phencyclidine (pcp) used on crack cocaine. sp-ce b-lls will f-ck up yo day. rarely seen, because most of the population thinks the experience is horrible, dangerous, and terrifying, and a good crack head thinks its a waste of cook up.
i figured it would be a good idea to try a sp-ce ball one time in my life, but now i’m not allowed to enter canada for six years, and i have to stay 100 ft away from all mennonite churches.
another word for tea bagging.
“sp-ce b-lls is the best”

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