Spunky Dildohammer
obtain a jar of j-panese mayonnaise and slather your stale hawt dawg with it. tell your blind or visually impaired s-xin’ woman that you’re gonna pleasure her with a d-ld- and b-tt plug. lube up a d-ld- and b-tt plug in front of her. stuff the b-tt plug in her beaver and jam your mayonnaised schl-ng into her mudflaps. she’ll think it’s the d-ld-, til you squirt your baby gravy in there. then thwap your shrinking dong on her br–sts. you must eat half of a wild berry pop tart during this process, and when you’ve finished jam the other half into her fuzzy c-mdumpster.
tom selleck: hey babe want me to rub my moustache on you tonight?
someone’s mom: nah. i’m in the mood for plastic tonight.
tom selleck: prepare to be pulverized!
(5 min. later)
someone’s mom: omg that wasn’t a d-ld-! that was a sp-nky d-ld-hammer
tom selleck: i know.
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