Swans

one of the most important bands of the last 30 years. swans started out in the early 80’s as a post punk/no wave band that created crushingly heavy alb-ms such as “filth”, “cop”, and “holy money.” alb-ms that make black/death metal bands with makeup that try to act scary seem like complete and utter p-ss-es.

1987’s “children of g-d” was a big leap forward, one which bridged the gap between the brutal heaviness and the more experimental side of swans (which became prominent in their later career in the 90’s). it also featured more frequent contribution from their 2nd vocalist jarboe.

in 1996 they released their magnum opus “soundtracks for the blind”. a mammoth double alb-m that inspired countless late 90’s and 00’s post rock bands. most notably the hipster adored g-dspeed you black emperor! who have made a career out of milking and watering down the sound created by swans. they do it well all things considered, but if you want the real thing kids… pick up soundtracks for the blind.

swans broke up in 1997 but michael gira (going back on his word) has since reformed the band in 2010, and with a slew of additional musicians released the spectacular comeback alb-m “my father will guide me up a rope to the sky” to well deserved critical acclaim.
“the first swans record i owned was slave ep, and it absolutely blew me away… it was a sound that i always wanted to hear, just the bleakest and blackest. the minimalist approach of the music, that was what really influenced me. it was non-genre-specific, with a total lack of baggage… purely abstract, surreal, and violent. it communicated to me in a very special way, and taught me that heavy metal could be stripped of everything and reduced to its most primal form.”

– justin broadrick (napalm death/g-dflesh/jesu)
1. (noun) a large bird that is similar to but much larger than a goose. the most recognized type of swan is the mute swan, which is all white except for its black face, orange bill and black legs and feet. it is native to parts of europe and has been artificially introduced to north america as somewhat of a “decorative bird.” if geese mess with it, it will chase them away. if you mess with it, it will chase you away. if you see a swan nesting, run because her mate will get p-ssed and will start coming at you. doesn’t sound very intimidating, but when you’re staring into the eyes of an oncoming angry swan, you’ll understand.

2. (noun) slang term for a female who was once unattractive but somehow became very attractive (referencing the “ugly duckling” story).
1. the swan swam gracefully across the pond.
or
cr-p, that swan’s not backing off, it’s still coming at me…screw this, i don’t want to get beaten up by a bird!

2. wow, remember when that girl was really ugly? she’s such a swan.
the main character from the 1979 cult cl-ssic, the warriors. he is the strong silent one of the group.
swan kicked luthers -ss!
n- a totally hot chick who was not-so-hot growing up.
also used as a verb, swanned, the act of turning from an ugly duckiling to a beautiful swan.
-dude, have you seen jenny lately?
-yea, since she lost her braces, gl-sses, and back-brace, she’s a total swan.
a devilishly handsome cowboy. a swan, is a hardworking, wise man. this utah cutie embraces life and is dreadfully svelte.
the women in the single parents group want to see swan naked.
omg, that guy is so dreamy, he is such a swan.
swan is on the naughty side.
what every you want it to mean.

swan can be used as a verb such as, quit swanning around.
a noun: your being a swan.
an adverb: your dance was swanlike
an adjective: you are such a swan.
you are such a swan!

that was such a swan move!

don’t be a swan!
swans mate for life — so a swan would be your soulmate,or a kindred spirit.
i always considered him my friend, but lately i wonder if he’s my swan…