Technochondriac

someone who -ssumes that a device or particular piece of technology that they own, is either suffering or will suffer a fault or known issue.

often a technochondriac will read an article on a device they own and will find out a number of ‘known faults’ and will then expect their device to suffer the same issues – sometimes telling people that it currently does, in antic-p-tion.

a technochondriac is also pr-ne to confusing their lack of product knowledge with a fault. very common in those that a middle aged.
dad: “so son, how you enjoying that new nokia n82 that i bought you. i’m really liking mine!”
son: “yeah, its cool now that i’ve flashed the unit with the latest version 11 firmware – that fixed the ‘camera freeze’ issue that i was experiencing. all good now.”
dad: “yeah, i’m having that same fault so i must get around to updating mine.”
son: “ummm… no your not. you are such a technochondriac – you just keep forgetting to open the camera shutter causing that slight delay. your phone is fine!”
a person who, after using the web to research a minor ailment, convinces themeself (because so many other non-medical professionals have spoken about it with such authority in their blog) that they now have a disease of major proportion.

becoming a hypochondriac is so much easier now with all the technology at hand!
bill has a toothe ache, so decides to look up the symptoms online. after reading several blogs about people with the same symptoms, he realizes that it’s not a toothe ache at all, but rather a full-blown brain tumor, likely in its final stages. bill, himself, is now a full-fledged technochondriac.
an individual who’s constantly raising the alarm about how new systems (or any systems for that matter) will cause problems or will generally not work period.
james plays these old dos games with doc-mentation for adobe reader 3, and complains about 9 not being fully backwards compatible, and wouldn’t you know, the technochondriac then uses that as justification why we shouldn’t update.
the friend you have that runs 4 antivirus programs, 10 different freeware anti-malware packages and is running zone alarm, norton internet security and the windows firewall at the same time? the same guy who insists that defraging his hard drive every weekend makes surfing the internet faster?

yeah, him.
(as defined by dax420 on reddit)

{call to software company}
customer: i installed your {program}, and now the geek squad is telling me i need a new hard drive!

agent: sir, i apologize, but i’m afraid that there’s no way our {innocuous application} could physically damage your hard drive.

customer: oh yeah!? well google says your program destroys thousands of computers every year!

agent: i am not one to question the google sir, but i am telling you; it’s not possible.

customer: then explain why google has 40,000 results when i search for “{software name} destroyed my computer”!!
agent: pebkac?
customer: what??
agent: sir, i’m afraid you’re a technochondriac.
customer: -click-