textolepsy
textolepsy (n) it’s like narcolepsy, except the patient doesn’t fall asleep, they lapse into a text conversation on their phone, suddenly losing all awareness of their surroundings. typified by slumping shoulders, twiddling of thumbs, and a smartphone several inches from the patient’s face. may occur in the middle of a conversation, during a meal, in cl-ss or, in severe cases, on stage during a community theater performance. beware that patients suffering from this disorder are rarely aware that they are drifting away or how long they have been in “the texting place”. most patients believe that they were being totally nonchalant and that their frequent texting has gone completely unnoticed when in fact it’s totally obvious to everybody.
mary: can you believe that the bride’s maid was texting during the ceremony?
jane: i know. how did she not know that everyone could see her? i felt so embar-ssed for her.
mary: maybe she was having one of those textoleptic episodes or something.
jane: whatever. f-cking textoleptic idiots.
mary: jane, i don’t like it when you talk that way. textolepsy is a serious disease.
jane: i know that, mary. i’ve never told you before, but my mother suffered from textolepsy. -sobs-
mary: uh-huh.
jane: i’ve never told that to anyone…
mary: yeah.
jane: …but i trust you and you always listen so well and…
mary: uh-huh.
jane: …mary?
mary: yeah.
jane: were you texting just now?
mary: oh, i was just replying to my friend who sent me a funny picture and…
jane: you f-cking textoleptic b-tch!
the condition that results in failure to stay awake during late night text conversations.
guy 1: i was texting her last night, but she never responded.
guy 2: yeah, her textolepsy probably kicked in.
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