Turtle Sex
when a guy talks up his game, claiming he can hit it hard and fast, but when it comes down to it, f-cks no better than a turtle.
friend 1: “hey! how was last night?”
friend 2: “it was absolutely awful! he kept telling me how hard he wanted to f-ck me, but then he was like a turtle, moving so slow! there’s no other way to explain it besides turtle s-x.”
the act of having s-xual intercourse, turtle style. this involves the woman bent over, with the man bent on top of her entering her from behind. it is best accompanied by high-pitched frightening moans coming from either person.
girl 1 “last night me and mike were dancing, and he bent over on top of me! it was so arousing!”
girl 2 “looks like it was your first time having turtle s-x!”
when you hold you lover down on the bed by their crotch using your hand in a claw shaped almost hook position and watch them struggle to get free with their arms and legs waving like an upside down turtle.
today i had turtle s-x with my girlfriend. she couldn’t stop laughing and i was taking bets mentally to guess if she was going to pee her pants or get turned on.
to m-st-rb-t- with a turtle object
such as a turtle pencil, stuffed turtle, turtle keychain, a real turtle.
kristen: where’s mert?
lafundah: oh he’ll be late, he’s having turtle s-x again….
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