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a freakishly addicting book (stolen from a fan fic site) written by a strange middle aged woman who (has s-xual fantacies about this) created this character named ~-~edward~-~ who -sparkle, sparkle- in the sun light, instead of burting into flame like normal vampires. then theres his (stupid and patheticly clumbsy) girlfriend, bella (who’s a wh-r-) who falls in love with her bff jake then rejects him cause he’s (a million times not possesive and dosn’t hate himself)not like edward. and he’s a werewolf so edward hates him. then she gets knocked up (about 40 billion times (cause she’s a necrophiliac wh-r-)by edward and they make a baby (that wants to kill her). after having renesmee (a name that was created using a mormon thing where the names of both grandparents are combined) bella dies and becomes a vampy. then come to find out jachob falls madly in love with renesmee (which makes him a baby f-cking pedophile) and bella gets p-ssed.
to makes a long, 4 book, story short, the ~-~cullens~-~ -sparkle, sparkle- have this big war that naver happens against the (old wrinkly leader people) vertolli (sp?)and they all end up loving (the evil little mormon critter) and everyone lives happily ever after (forever and ever and ever).
bonny- “liek omg! i read this fan fic called the twilight saga about a girl that’s like every other average girl in the universe who meets a pretty sparkly vampire and they fall in love and make a mutant baby! the end!”
the twilight saga was stephenie meyers way of trying to indoctrinate little girls minds by building them up with false hope i.e. an ‘edward cullen’, and making them go all hypified so that no guys will ever find a ‘normal’ girl.
thanks stephenie, for the twilight saga. how about next time you write a book with a much more moral meaning and take over the world with that? lets start with a book on healthy eating perhaps???
a book series by stephenie meyer. probably infact the worse books in the history of time. these books are about sparkling vampires with a special power (by vampire i actually mean blood sucking pixie) and shapeshifters (wolves).

it is a far fetched book about a girl named isabella (bella) swan of about of seventeen that falls in love in a whiny, controlling, pedophile, stalker by the name of edward cullen. that is all you need to know about that.

in new moon edward leaves bella “to keep her safe” or some sh-t. she ends up falling for jacob black (the leader wolf man, guy, person, whatever) also. it’s funny, though. she claims she loves eddie but yet she falls in love with jake. in new moon bella pretty much thinks she can hear edward by doing idiotic and reckless things. such like jumping off a cliff and almost drowning. and she complains about this “hole” in her chest through out the book. so on, alice and bella run off to italy to find mr. ed, blah. he comes back and propose to bella. however, she doesn’t really give him an answer until like the end of eclipse, or something.

eclipse p-ssed me off. and they turned bella into a h-rny b-tch at the end. and turned jacob into a pig. i have nothing to say about it, only that is sucks and you shouldn’t read it.

breaking dawn was really corny. bella ends up getting pregnant with eddie’s child. the pregnancy went fast. killing bella slowly as it grows inside her, blah, blah. she thinks she will have a boy. named ej (edward jacob) but ends up as a girl. she names her a retarted name that sounds like a disease (renesmee). heres a trippy moment. jacob imprints on her. he gives her the nickname nessie. (the nickname for the loch ness monster.) some failed battle at the end with the vultori. i believe only one person died. it was pretty stupid.

yeah, these books are a waste of time. d: if you like them you obviously have horrible taste.
the twilight saga ~~~~

-twilight-
bella – hi.
edward – hi… you smell very etible.
bella – thanks.
edward – i watch you when you sleep.
bella – how flattering.
edward – i love you.
bella – cool, me too.
edward – -plays baseball-
james – you brought a snack! >:d
edward – -growls-
bella – -gets bitten-
edward – nuuueeee! -sucks venom out-
bella – :d

-new moon-
edward – i’m leaving now
bella – bye. i’ll just sit here and be useless for a while.
edward – cool.
(months later.)
jacob – -turns into a wolf-
bella – huh?
jacob – hypocrite!
(moments later)
bella – edward!!! no!!!!
edward – oh, look, we’re both alive. amazing.
bella – yup.
edward – marry me?
bella – nope.

-eclipes-
edward – i love you
bella – i love you, but i love jacob, too.
jacob – rawr.
edward – -censored-?!

-breaking dawn-
bella – -marries edward-
edward – score!!
bella – -get’s pregnant-
edward – oh noe! d:
jacob – wtf?
bella – -has baby-
jacob – -inprintes on renesmee-
bella – -turns into a vampire-
edward – woooooo! -takes bella hunting-
-vorturi attacks-
edward – d: -takes aros hand-
aro – i see. we’ll kill you now.
bella – nuuue!!!!!

the end!
a girl’s tragic decision between necrophilia or b-st–lity
a summary of the entire twilight saga:
d-mn! do i want the ice cold, over controlling, soulless creature of night, or the super hairy wolf thing? the vampire! no, the werewolf! no, the vampire! no, both!
a load of bull sh-t
~~~twilight saga~~~

bella: i love you edward!

edward: i want to drink your blood.

bella: i still love you.

edward: jesus christ.
the quest of one teenage girl’s tough, life changing decision between necrophilia and b–st–lity.
1. bella: “i love to have s-x with furry werewolves, but the marble-cold skin of the undead has an appeal all of its own. whatever shall i do?”
non-fan: “kill yourself and end the twilight saga?”
bella: “i’m gonna go with the gay one.”
non-fan: “both?”
this saga of books was derived from stephanie meyer’s sick twisted fantasies, as admitted by the author herself. this book involves the following

-two people falling in love purely for looks
-lack of character dynamics
-a creepy abusive vampire being accepted as an ideal boyfriend
-vampires being portrayed as blood-thirsty fairies
-lack of knowledge of the difference between a ware wolf and an animagus
-a mary sue who seems to know nothing about anything around her.
-lack of basic knowledge of chromosomes

half of the paragraphs only talk about edward’s eyes, and the other half are blunt, dull actions written out with overused words. this book seems to support necrophelia, pedophelia, and suicidal actions being taken because someone broke up with you.

in other words, don’t read this book. and all the thumbs down for this are twilight fangirls who think they know everything.
person1: have you read the twilight saga?
person2: no, i read harry potter. jk rowling actually knows something about magic and mythical creatures and relationships.

ie2

r-t-rd 1: i just wrote a book based on my s-xual fantasy
r-t-rd 2: great, another twilight saga.
r-t-rd 1: actually, i know what a vampire is, and i know ware wolves don’t change at will and forgot who they really are. besides, i don’t even have those characters.
r-t-rd 2: i guess that’s okay.

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