Search

a person with one leg.
as used by peter cook in his ‘one-legged tarzan” sketch on “not only … but also” in 1971

the scene is a theatrical producer’s office (peter cook) and dudley moore plays the unidexter.

peter:miss rigby! stella, my love! would you please send in the next auditioner, please. mr. spigott, i believe it is.

enter dudley, hopping energetically on one leg

peter:mr. spigott, i believe?

dudley:yes — spigott by name, spigott by nature. (keeps hopping)

peter:yes… if you’d like to remain motionless for a moment, mr. spigott. please be stood. now, mr. spigott you are, i believe, auditioning for the part of tarzan?

dudley:right.

peter:now, mr. spigott, i couldn’t help noticing almost at once that you are a one-legged person.

dudley:you noticed that?

peter:i noticed that, mr. spigott. when you have been in the business as long as i have you come to notice these things almost instinctively. now, mr. spigott, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of tarzan — a role which, traditionally, involves the use of a two-legged actor.

dudley:correct.

peter:and yet you, a unidexter, are applying for the role.

dudley:right.

peter:a role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement.

dudley:very true.

peter:well, mr. spigott, need i point out to you where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role?

dudley:yes, i think you ought to.

peter:need i say with overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient.

dudley:the leg division?

peter:yes, the leg division, mr. spigott. you are deficient in it — to the tune of one. your right leg i like. i like your right leg. a lovely leg for the role. that’s what i said when i saw you come in. i said ‘a lovely leg for the role.’ i’ve got nothing against your right leg. the trouble is — neither have you. you fall down on your left.

etc.