Unitarian Universalist Parents
parents who practice the liberal religion of unitarian universalism. they are usually amazingly tolerant, and open to letting their kids explore whatever they want (i.e. their bodies, hallucinogens, alcohol, other kids’ bodies, etc.) unitarian moms and dads are incredible cooks, and they always use organic ingredients they picked at the local farm. they’re often (but not always) of higher income, and 99.9% of them vote democrat simply because they’re far too smart to do otherwise. their kids grow up to be well-rounded and successful, and many of them go to work for the diplomatic corps. the best thing about unitarian universalist parents is that they love their kids no matter what. they don’t give a cosmic f–k if their son or daughter grows up and finds a new religion, discovers he or she is gay, or elopes with a dirty, shoeless hippie. they’ll just give them a hug and invite them (and the shoeless hippie spouse) over for a gourmet tofu steak and some imported beer.
unitarian teenager: bye, mom and mom! i’m going to a 4/20 party!
unitarian mom: have a good time, honey. remember to bring some condoms.
other unitarian mom: call us if you think you’ll be home by tomorrow!
one year later…
unitarian teenager: mom and mom! i was accepted to harvard!
unitarian mom: that’s fantastic, honey. i knew all those years of mandarin chinese, french, tagalog, russian, arabic, portuguese, afrikaans, and conversational greek lessons would pay off!
other unitarian mom: let’s go on a spirit journey in the sahara desert to celebrate!
as you can see, unitarian universalist parents are the only parents who know how to live.
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