USS Jimmy Carter

the uss jimmy carter is a cno special projects boat. originally destined to be the third in the vaunted seawolf cl-ss nuclear attack submarine, she ended up being the last in the cl-ss, cut in half, extended by 100 feet, and sent to sea. a problematic, overengineered design to begin with, the navy in their infinate wisdom, decided to throw 100 feet of even more overengineered cr-p in the middle and call it good. the navy has been paying for that mistake (literally) ever since. if the logistical problems of maintaining a 3 boat cl-ss weren’t bad enough, compound that with a laundry list of must-have parts that aren’t made any more, add a touch of shipyard (eb) “craftsmanship”, and sprinkle in a generous amount of dfs’. the phrase “sat for sea” is commonly used, usually to describe the piece of duct tape being used to hold in that valve that penetrates the hull, half–ssed welded in place by a stoned metalworker who came in drunk with half a joint in his mouth.
if that wasn’t bad enough, listen to the crew:
there have been people stuck onboard for 5+ years with no end in sight.
in that time, some of them have never gone to a school.
most of them have had multiple award nominations shot down by the upper echelon.
almost all of those going up for terminal leave have had it denied, or told it was a “set-in-stone” date, only to have it cancelled after tuition and a house has been paid for back home.
some have been in their rotation window up to 3 times, but keep getting extended because it’s difficult to find someone who hasn’t heard of this floating sh-theap.
most boats lose 1-3 guys a year due to clearance, medical, legal, or psychological issues. the goodship jc has lost 42 since 2003 m-ssively due to psychological issues. and nothing has been done, despite the many protests of the crew. good men have been lost to this ongoing problem, and the loss rate is increasing.
it’s not limited to the blueshirts, either. chiefs and officers have fallen before the incredible stresses needlessly placed on those aboard.
re-enlistment has been hovering just above 0% since the keel first touched water. n-body wonders why.
crew morale is so bad, those onboard look forward to injury so they can get some rest.
crew morale is so bad that the cob had to make a ships picnic mandatory just to get some people to show up. many arrived in the parking lot, waved, then turned around and left.
a senior chief with 17 years in refuses to re-enlist and finish his 3 years because it’s not worth extending onboard another 6 months.
all in all, the “leading indicators” show that this boat is a cr-p-heap with a list of receipts 10 years long. the motto is “semper optima” meaning “always the best”, but should be “abandon hope, all ye who enter here”.
“i got my orders, i’m going the the uss jimmy carter!”
“dude, haven’t you heard, that boat is a piece of cr-p!”
“but i heard that the…”
“dude, did this by any chance come with the phrase ‘have i got a deal for you?'”
“yeah, how’d you know”
“dumb-ss”