You have two cows …
the beginning scentence in a series of political and economic jokes. “you have two cows…” jokes began as a parody of typical intro-course material in college level economics featuring a “farmer in a moneyless society, using his cattle and produce to trade with his neighbors.”
the cows are used as a metaphor for currency, capital, means of production, and property.
“two cows” jokes typically portray an outsider’s view on many cultural and economic issues using paradox, and sarcasm.
you have two cows …
anarchism: you have two cows. the cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.
canadianism: you have two cows. the bank takes both of them, shoots one, throws away the milk and you shoot yourself.
soviet: you have two cows. you count them and realize you have
four cows. you drink more vodka. you count the cows again and realize you have eleventy six cows. you drink even more vodka. after a while, you realize that eleventy isn’t a real number. you count the cows again and have two cows. you open another bottle of vodka and try to drown the loss of eleventy four cows.
democracy: you have two cows. they outvote you 2-1 to ban all meat and dairy products. you go bankrupt.
united nationism: you have two cows. france vetoes you from milking them. the united states and britain veto the cows from milking you. new zealand abstains.
frisbeetarianism: you have two cows. one of them flies up on the roof and gets stuck. you hope the government provides cow ladders.
intel pentium 60 – a80501-60
you have 2.0000000056987983 cows.
in the marketing department
congratulations! you are now the proud owner of two thousand millicows!
fact
you really have 0 cows.
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