Ahab the Arab

an excellent song by ray stevens that offends all good white liberals.
let me tell you ’bout ahab the arab
the sheik of the burning sand
he had emeralds and rubies just dripping off ‘a him
and a ring on every finger of his hands

he wore a big ol’ turban wrapped around his head
and a scimitar by his side
and every evening about midnight
he’d jump on his camel named clyde…and ride

spoken

silently through the night to the sultan’s tent where he would secretly meet up with fatima of the seven veils, swingingest grade “a” number one u.s. choice dancer in the sultan’s whole harem, ’cause, heh, him and her had a thing going. you know, and they’d been carrying on for some time now behind the sultan’s back and you could hear him talk to his camel as he rode out across the dunes, his voice would cut through the still night desert air and he’d say (imitate arabian speech) which is arabic for, “stop, clyde!” and clyde would say, (imitate camel voice). which is camel for, “what the heck did he say anyway?”
well….

he brought that camel to a screeching halt
at the rear of fatima’s tent jumped off clyde,
snuck around the corner and into the tent he went
there he saw fatima laying on a zebra skin rug
wearing rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
and a bone in her nose ho, ho.
spoken

there she was friends lying there in all her radiant beauty. eating on a raisin, grape, apricot, pomegranate, bowl of chitterlings, two bananas, three hershey bars, sipping on a “r c” co-cola listening to her transistor, watching the grand ole opry on the tube reading the mad magazine while she sung, “does your chewing gum lose it’s flavor?” and ahab walked up to her and he said, (imitate arabian speech) which is arabic for, “let’s twist again like we did last summer, baby.” (laughter) you know what i mean! whew! she looked up at him from off the rug, give him one of the sly looks, she said, (coy, girlish laugh) “crazy baby”.
’round and around and around and around…etc.

and that’s the story ’bout ahab the arab
the sheik of the burnin’ sand
ahab the arab
the swinging sheik of the burnin’ sand