Albany Academy for Girls
a private all girls school, located in the heart of albany, new york, which periodically checks its most elite seniors for substances that may be present on school grounds.
the albany academy, school of excellence, fighting addictions since 1814
word of advice: never have a ‘substance’ on you while walking throughout the albany academy for girls.
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a square-shaped edifice which is about as candy-free as it is substance-free. established in 1814, this inst-tution is highly devoted to the health of its students, which would explain the diet mayo and confiscation of white bread: not to mention the embargo on flip-flops, as they are an obvious fire hazard. and, of course, physical education takes absolute priority: seniors who cannot write an adequate paper for pe because they have to “study for aps” are clearly not qualified to graduate.
lauded as the first girls’ school in the country, its establishment is a milestone in american culture. because if growing up female in america doesn’t make you feel bad enough about your body, you can always go to school for it.
in the albany academy for girls, always remember that gym is a room, not a cl-ss.
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