Amelie Gillette
amelie gillette is a “writer” who decided that there wasn’t enough pop-culture blogs gracing the web, so someone at the onion and/or av club allowed her to start a blog called the hater. in a country that needs more good doctors, scientists and science journalists, she decided to, instead, become a pop-culture celebrity snark writer. why? because bill nye’s disembodied head exclaiming “science rules!” was too d-mn hard for amelie to mentally digest. math is also very hard, as well. you see, most people like amelie decide to waste their (read: parents) money for college to become pop-culture writers and critics when they first realize that they don’t need to actually prove why their opinions are correct, knowing that their reasons are, in the end, subjective (which they will usually deny), unlike science which requires different forms of testing to prove their hypotheses. when you waste your life paying attention to so much pop-culture, like amelie has, you don’t have much of a future to look forward to, except, well, regurgitating your thoughts on the very subject, thinking you’re actually contributing something helpful to society. her writing usually consists–hypocritically–of why ashton kutcher, zach braff, and dane cook suck, while ignoring the fact that the barrel of fish she shoots into have already been shot at many times before. the relevance of her articles reflect the relevance of her subjects: becoming old and forgotten within the same day they are printed. and because writing articles just wasn’t enough, she came up with the bright idea of recording a podcast about her half–ss thoughts, because she decided that there wasn’t enough pop-culture podcasts gracing everyone’s ipods. the hatecast (clever t-tle) features amelie spouting off plat-tudes about the stuff she hates for no good reason. if you decide to listen to this piece of audio-torture, you might as well enjoy it by playing the drinking game to amelie’s giggling–you will be dead by the first minute.
note: don’t get the hater confused with sean o’ neal’s the daily buzzkill, which is a baby-step up from amelie’s digital mess.
“hey, i’m being alerting about amelie gillette’s newest article. i’d forget all about the hater if rss feeds didn’t exist.”
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