ascension school

ascension school is a private school in oak park that was established by the ursuline sisters in 1912. its great place to ruin your child’s life. the uniforms would look more flattering on steve buscemi then on literally anyone there. they have gym twice a week with the actual corpse of george washington. that school has gone through more spanish teachers than taylor swift has boyfriends. only decent person who works there is the janitor. the hot lunches went “healthy” which i’m sure is code for containing human flesh. half the staff wears open toe shoes so the children suffer through horrible education while starting at hairy toes. there are more health codes broken here then in a mcdonald’s. the students are treated worse than the employers at the hooters on undercover boss. the only decent thing learned is how to roll joints taught by a kid that smoked actual oregano. you might accidently watch a religious movie where a girl is in an abusive relationship so she cheats on him to make him mad him then gets gang raped then runs away and almost dies but jesus revives her then a queen helps her and has a lesbian make out sesh because a cl-ss actually watched this. wouldn’t be surprised to see a rat in the gym smoking a joint, drinking, and shooting up some heroine all at once. the dances are jokes unless you get blessed by the occasional drunk teacher showing up to twerk on you.
“i’d rather give hitler a bjthan attend ascension school”
“but dude you’re jewish”
“your point?”