Autofly
possibly the most insidious, dastardly critter to exist upon the earth. the dreaded autofly is simply any one of several common flying insects, with a twist. it’s the d-mn bug that ends up flying around frantically inside your vehicle cabin. no matter how many windows you open or shooing motions you attempt, the dirty little b-st-rd refuses to leave the confines of your vehicle. then when you don’t see him for a while and decide he must have gotten sucked out and shut the windows, the little pr-ck comes out of hiding (usually from under a seat where he was noshing on a stale french fry) and starts buzzing around again. as the driver’s annoyance level soars, the attention paid to the autofly surp-sses the attention paid to traffic. until, so obsessed with -ss-ssinating or ejecting your unwelcome p-ssenger, you collide with another vehicle, or drive off the road. the most sneaky thing about the autofly is that in the aftermath of the wreck, police will never find or see the true perpetrator of the accident and the cause is always attributed to something else. fact: paparazzi didn’t cause princess di’s car to crash, an autofly caused the driver to wreak while frantically trying to swat the f-cker.
true story bros. the only defense against the autofly is a p-ssenger with quick reflexes, unerring aim, and a rolled up magazine or the geico gekko… (they eat flies you know, and they can lick their own eyeb-lls, which is pretty effin cool and makes them popular with the ladies)
driver: dude, roll down the window. and try to get this bug out of here, it’s p-ssing me off!
p-ssenger: maintain bro, watch the road… i’ll handle the autofly.
driver: the wahaa? (looking around pawing frantically at the air)
p-ssenger: pay attention to the road man! you almost hit that truck. the autofly! the friggin bug man, the bug… i’ll take care of it. (rolls up playboy)
driver: oh, ok.
swat!!!!
p-ssenger splays fly out on the covergirl’s bodacious ta-tas with one deft, ninjaesque move.
p-ssenger: ewww…
driver: niiiiice!
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