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possibly the lamest, but funniest progamme in the united kingdom. the cast include:

ms hoolie: she is always on acid and has psychotic eyes

edie mcredie: dances like a f-cktard and runs the lamest bus company in the world.

pc plum: freestyles regularly

archie the inventor: invents lame things from washing up bottles and yoghurt pots. also hangs with 5 year olds. owns a pink castle and wheres a pink jumper. -cough, f-g-

josie jump: just in it to fill in places where the creators can’t think of anything.

spencer: breaks and enters into all their houses, to steal goods, and sneakily ask them for advice on things like, “what colour should i paint my house?” -steals wallet-

pocket and sweet: one is disabled, the other is about 70 years old. own a shop, yet give everything in it away for free, which totally defeats the point of a “shop”

balamory is really f-cked up in a cool way.
ms hoolie: hahaaha hi kids!! toodaayyy were goooona be takin amphetamines!!

edie mcredie: ahahahaha here comes the bus!!!!!!!!!

ms hoolie: omg wtf!??! its teh edie mcreedie!!!!!!!!!! ahah so edie!!!!! what you bin up tah with tah wee uns?!?

edie mcredie: ahaha well ms hoolie!!!!! today i drove the bus off the cliff for the fun of it!!!!! ahaha i r teh psychoxxoz!!!!!!! -knifes ms hoolie in face-

pc plum: ah edie!!!!!!! whats the story in balamory!?!?

edie mcredie: well plummy!!!!!!! today i r teh murderising everybody!!!!!!!!

pc plum: ah thats nic………-dies-

edie mcredie: aha archie!!!!!!! what you doing up there?!?!

archie: well edie!!!!!!! today i have made a death ray from watching blue peter!!!!!!! its cool!!!!!!! wanna see it!!!!?!?

edie mcredie: ahah sure archie!!!!!

archie: ahah well you press this b-tton here…….

edie mcredie: ahah let me try archie!!!!!!! -laserises archie into oblivion- har teh har!!!

archie: ahhhaha h-llo spencer!!! hang on, are you sure you knocked before entering my house!??!! ahaha omg wtf!?! you want me, archie inventor, to play with a 3 year old girl!?!? hahaa ok sure!!! hey spencer, why is my wallet in your hand man!! “…er… i dunno -runs off-” ahaah ok bring it back when you can!!! -goes to nursery school-

ms hoolie: ahahaha i r teh ms hoolie again!!!!!!! -shoots up- -takes knife out of face- aahhahaha look kids!! today were gonna be playing cops and robbers, except i catch u all in the sp-ce of 10 seconds and lock you in my cupboard for 10 weeks!!

josie: ahahaha h-llo edie!!

edie mcredie: oh h-llo josie!!

josie: how are you edie!!?

edie mcredie: well today i just joined the kkk!!!

josie: aahaha thats nice!!!!! so why are you tieing me to this burning cross?!

edie mcredie: well josie!!!!! its cos your teh nigxxorz!!!!!!!

josie: oh ok then!!!!!!! happy happy happy!!!!!!! -burns alive-

spencer: ahhaah ok so pocket and sweet what can i buy from your shop then!?!?

pocket and sweet: well you can…

spencer: -raids shop- ok thats it u sl-ts!!! i r teh spencar!! and what i say goes!!! -holds bazooka to pocket and sweets heads- aaahahah anyone moves and…-blows up pocket and sweet- -dashes to edie mcredie getaway- ahahaa quick edie!!! lets dash!!!

edie mcredie: ahha wait!!!!! we can mount the laser onto the wheelchair!!!! and make a run for it!!!!!

spencer: ahhaa ok then!!! -mounts onto wheelchair-

edie mcredie: ahahah ok you can push because you are the slave race!!!!!!!

spencer: ahhahaahhah ok then!!!!! -puches wheelchair into river- ahaha i r teh spencar!!! -raids ms hoolies house-

edie mcredie: ok thats it n-gg-r!!!!!!! now i r teh wet!!!!! -laserates spencer-

spencer: -dies-

pc plum: haha h-llo i rteh pc plum!! what seems to be the problem!!?! -punches edie in face-

edie mcredie: ahahah well plummy, i think you suck!!

pc plum: ahahaha!!! really!!?!

edie mcredie: no…..

pc plum: -smashes balamory on edie mcredies head-

edie mcredie: well that wasnt nice!!!!
-drives bus over plum 987246587437685876438765387645 times-

pc plum: me and you are gonna have a lil talk, i’ll let you go if you do one of them lil dances you do!! dance d-mnit!! dance!!

edie mcredie: yeah!?! well this nuke that i got at archies dont agree with you!!!!!!!

pc plum: archie eh!??! -shhots archie in face-

edie mcredie: yeah!!!!! careful!!! its made of sticky tape and a washing up liquid bottle!!!!!

and that is the basic layout of the program.

copyright jon and george

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balamory is a completely insane scotland-based show designed for pre-school children, but has managed to gain a cult following from all ages.

the show revolves around the small island comminity balamory in scotland. is incredibly hilarious when watched with the sign language dude. -imitates-

miss hoolie appears in every episode and the nursery worker, and has very creepy eyes, annoyingly perfect hair and an equally annoying voice.

archie the inventor is the best character (just to clear anything up. -points at jenhen and laughs-) he makes “inventions” from cardboard and yoghurt pots and all sorts of random sh-t. lives in a pink castle and wears a lot of pink. has man br–sts.

pc plum is the resident policeman and is a complete tw-t. quite obviously has a thing for miss hoolie. is not the best character, though he is sweet. -pats him on the head-

josie jump just annoys the h-ll out of me with her insane bounciness. so i’m writing nothing. nothing at all. nothing to see here move along 8d

spencer is the painter and musician on the island, though he can play b-gg-r all and can’t even fake playing the guitar properly.

edie mccredie is the annoying b-tch who drives some random bus and apparently has travelled around the world.

susie sweet and penny pocket own some sort of shop-cafe-thing that always has just what the customer wants right at the front of the shop. convenient, eh?
balamory is not just for little kids! us teenagers can watch it too!
a tv programme aimed at children but has a larger fan base with students and parents.
filmed on the scottish island of tobermory it has wacky and colorful characters :-

pc plum – raving h-m-s-xual fancies spencer but keeps his dark secret hidden by dating miss hoolie from time to time.
when his desires becomes too much he travels off the island to meet young men he’s met on the balamory chat line.

archie the inventor – once jailed for possessing kiddie p-rn, archie now hides out on the island making usless inventions and spying on the local children.

miss hollie – miss hollie is the foxy c-ck tease, pretends to like men but refuses to go “all the way”. she satisfies her s-xual needs by having a lesbian fest with josie jump.

josie jump – total sl-t, sleeps with anyone and everyone on the island although a recent outbreak of mull crabs has put everyone watching out.

eddie mccredie – banned from driving after killing two old age pensioners whilst drunk in 1996. she forged a new drivers licence and now drives the local school bus, occasionally taking a detour via archies house to earn a little extra money.

spencer – after being released from jail for burglary, spencer was determained to go straight but involves himself in petty crime such as shop lifting and stealing fish from local trawlers.

suzie sweet and penny pocket – run the local shop although fail to make a profit and live off suzies inheritance, penny pocket although in a wheelchair enjoys d-gg-ng every friday night at the balomory local park.
watching balamory makes me so h-rny.
a postmodernist masterpiece disguised as children’s television.

of course, if you are three like the intended audience, you may watch it to learn how the writers would like the world to be…

…if we existed in a communist utopia; notice how pocket and sweet never charge for the items in their shop – probably because they were produced by the people for the people.

everybody has a role and n-body ever suffers an existential crisis. they are all very happy. and so they should be.

then again it may just be a light, fluffy, fun, brightly coloured kiddies tv show that people of all ages can veg out in front of and enjoy watching. i know i do!
watch it for an example of the bbc’s finest produce :p
the decent excuse to watch kids tv when you are working from home.
the cast concern me greatly. nice to see that the beeb has managed to keep every politically correct section of society at bay for the time being.

miss hoolie – hairstyle has been set with hairspray that wouldn’t move in a force 9 gale. obviously designed for scotland. only wears shades of green and waves at everyone. seems to unwittingly control the lives of everyone in balamory so i can only -ssume some form of mafia protection thing going on.

pc plum – line dances…

spencer – got bored and just painted houses any colour he pleased.

edie – maniac driver if the opening t-tles are anything to go by. 60mph to a dead stop in less than a second. pc plum doesn’t even book her.

archie – pink castle, what next… an invention that works perhaps?

josie jump – tries to get everyone fit. she is losing to the deep fried everything culture she is living in.
also used in conversation from the song
as in : whats the story in balamory
strange kids show on the bbc. my housemate informed me that they usd to let tourists go there but they don’t anymore. is pc pld gay?
this is an impression of how ms hulie says the bus driver’s name

eeeeedie macreeeedie