Barry Zito

the sun god. he once beat up apallo. then he came down to earth to say “what’s up?” to billy beane. billy beane then, out of fear and admiration, gave barry zito a contract to play on the oakland a’s.

now, why barry zito came down to say hi to billy is uncertain. maybe, barry felt comp-ssion for that unfortunate soul.

anyway, contrary to previous beliefs, billy does not run the team. he’s merely barry’s puppet. see, barry is too humble a man to claim control of an entire ent-ty. also, according to a wallpaper provided by the a’s website, he throws a wicked curve. he also calls everyone dude.

this “curve” that is alluded to, was initially what barry would use to fight while up in the place where the sun god resides. when he came down to earth, he used it to fool his opposition. however, while in the sun god’s residence, he threw fireb-lls. here on earth, he throws baseb-lls. he is so awesome though, that he adjusted to this change in the matter of mere seconds.

also, barry is so humble, his most valuable possesion, besides the world, is his guitar, which he uses to control the weather, and not his cy young award, which he deserves each and every year, but defers it, because he believes in giving others a chance.

all in all, barry is a great man, and we should all learn from his example.

thank you, barry, you are truly an inspiration to us all.
barry zito is the controller of the weather, and he commands, and demands, a sacrifice of three sheep, a cantaloupe, a guitar pick, and a large pizza from domino’s.

the last time he got angry, indonesia was almost completely wiped out. so, don’t make him angry.
the act of “barry zito-ing” involves inserting an erect p-n-s into an -n-s, whether the -n-s is male or female is of no consequence. the origin of “barry zito-ing” comes from major league baseball pitcher barry zito, and what he does to a girl to “cleanse” himself following a bad game. as cited in an interview with the “make a wish” foundation, barry zito goes out after a bad game and f-cks a girl in the -ss. this concludes the definition of “barry zito-ing”.
“so i was barry zito-ing this girl the other night.”

“i hope she gets barry-zito-ed by a homeless man in a dark alley for being such a b-tch.”