bedside rag

often an old t-shirt, however any semi absorbant textile material will suffice. the bedside rag is kept beside your bed and is used for cleaning up the goo after you have shamefully loved yourself. there are several methods which can be employed when using the bedside rag. a)goo on your hand and wipe onto the rag, b)goo onto your stomach (could involve snail-trail-slime) or my favourite which is least messy c) put the rag on your stomach and goo straight onto it, this needs no after-goo clean up so you can go straight to sleep. this invention allows for the moment of bliss after gooing to kept on into the night, however it is best to throw it out after a while as it gets a bit mucky, and you have to start thinking of excuses why you’ve got an old stainfilled mickey mouse t-shirt next to your bed (see e.g).
mother: “whats that doing there, its been there for months, and it looks pretty dirty”
you; “dont worry mum, thats just an old art t-shirt of mine which gets glue on it every now and then”

girlfriend;” errrgh, what the h-ll’s this”
you; “i have absolutely no idea, must be hunting season i guess?”

mate;”yo, homedogg what in fashizzles name is this, it looks like it’s straight outta compton, f’shaw”
you;”no sweat bruv that just be me bedisde rag”
usually an old t-shirt, this can be any textile material which is relatively absorbant. the rag is kept at your bedside and used to clean up the goo after you have finished your hand-loving. there are several methods which it is possible to use; goo into your hand and wipe;goo onto your stomach and wipe; or the most popular method is to rest the t-shirt on your stomach so you can goo straight onto it. the bedside rag lets you go to town without having to get up and clean yourself, so that you can sleep like a a dirty little baby.
“my mum found my bedside rag the other day, but i said it was an old art t-shirt which had gotten glue on it.”

“my bedside rag smells of extra mature stilton”