Bentley University

a top new england business school where both the academic curriculum and social atmosphere are geared entirely towards the acc-mulation of power and wealth. this has resulted in the apparently necessary addition of “ethics and social responsibility” as an academic discipline. graduates range from wall street moguls like richard zannino to ruthless dictators such as charles taylor.

while other college students paint houses or lifeguard during the summer months, bentley students are up bright and early, parking their bmw’s outside of jp morgan or state street.

if you don’t get in, there’s always bryant, notable alumni of which include:

-adam m. hamilton – “chip” – reporter for wjar-nbc 10 news

and

-dennis g. perron – chief of police hubbardston, m-ssachusetts
bentley university student 1: hey, how’s 301 treating you?

bentley university student 2: meh, we got a cr-p project, some place called “bryant university” wants us to consult for them…. looks like a lost cause though.
a top-business school in the northeast. here is where you’ll find the aspiring leaders of the business world and teachers who can help them be just that. if you go to bryant, well you’ll just find all the kids that couldn’t get into bentley. sad to say, but so true. princeton review gave it #12 nationwide on all colleges for career services (98.6# of students employed within 6 months of graduation). all bryant can say is that they recently got moved to d1 sports… whoopedy doo.
bryant kid: “hey suck it bentley university kid, bryant university has a d1 sports program and.. and… and… yeah we have a d1 sports program!

bentley kid: “congrats, i’m gunna smack the s–t out of you with my diploma.”
a good business college in waltham, ma, with notable programs in the financial world (accounting, finance, corporate finance & accounting, economics-finance). it is a medium sized school of around 4,200 undergrads, but provides large school academic resources thanks to its strong business focus. not the school to go to if you’re looking for ethnic diversity, though up to 10% of the school’s undergraduates are from outside the us.

known in business circles in new england as the marsha brady to the jan brady that is bryant university. at bryant, you get a lot of anger and jealousy about not getting accepted to go to bentley, and you’re left with a lot of irrelevant straw-grasping about how they have di sports now, and how they were a university first, and other things that don’t really matter. di sports don’t matter too much when hs day visiting students are the only ones volunteering in cl-ss and having a general idea of what the h-ll is going on, and when the most notable occurrence to your football program is when your coach skips town after the final game and leaves his team without even saying goodbye.

in the brady bunch, metaphorical sense, bentley gets all the boys, while bryant wears ridiculous wigs and says “the new jan brady”.
hs senior #1: i’m going to bryant.
hs senior #2: sucks for you, man, i got into bentley university, and got grants and scholarships to go.
hs senior #1: yeah well f-ck you dude, bryant plays d1 football so take your elitist att-tude and stick it up your -ss. northeast rhode island, west siyyyyyyyyyide
hs senior #2: why are you yelling?
an inst-tution of higher learning well known for strong business programs, an arrogant/psuedo-intellectual student body and what appears to be an obsession with bryant/bentley comparisons.
person a: you go to bentley university?
person b: yeah, naturally, i am a genius after all.
person a: um…you go to bentley….
an inst-tute of higher education, which in recent years has found itself in the shadow of bryant university.

upon news of ‘bryant college’ upgrading to ‘bryant university’, bentley college scrambled to imitate its counterpart and 4 years later became ‘bentley university’.

bryant university has also moved ahead in athletics to division 1 and bentley was left scrambling again, attempting to get out of bryant’s wake.

as bryant university is making moves national status, bentley is left behind, reminiscing on what once was.

who knows…? maybe bentley might become a division 1 school? give it four years.
bentley university: bryant did what? okay, lets do that.