berlin, ct

if you ever wondered what it would be like to live in satans -ss, move to berlin, ct. the only shanty town in the state. the berlin fair is the worst event in the history of the world. claims to be near the place that “invented” the hamburger. known for sh-tty basketball teams producing sub-wnba quality male players, such as the goog squad’s thomas polakse and dee del. home of espn personalities, i-mac and d-bac.
“let’s go to the berlin fair in berlin, ct.”

“i’d rather stick a jolly rancher in my ear.”
a small town in the center of connecticut. a lot of the kids are rich, which leads to lots of alcohol and drugs. no one knows how to keep secrets, and a lot of backstabbing and gossip goes on.
“do you still talk to those girls from berlin?”

“h-ll no, if i tell them anything, the whole town knows”
the dumbest town in the united states where everyone is a poser, wigger, or sl-t. everyone does drugs. we suck.
“lets not have s-x til we’re married.”

“no way i’m high, lets make babies.”
when one looks fondly- or even more likely, not-so-fondly- back on the time they spent in berlin, ct, it can quickly become clear whether they are from the town itself, or have simply visited.

those visiting are most likely more poor than %90 of the residents of berlin and do not understand the odd things the town likes to do, including decorating the whole town for any holiday that rolls around (scarecrows everywhere on halloween) and decorating their fire engines to parade round the streets 24/7.

it is easy to pick a berlinite out- they are white, with girls in northface jackets and uggs, holding a coach purse and juggling between swim team and s-x and boys in skinny jeans and swim team t shirts, riding their bikes through the drive thru at dairy queen and either unintentionally acting gay, or trying to hide the fact that they are gay from their parents.
although the neighboring town of new britain is much more obvious about its drug use, berlinites are no strangers to weed, mostly because they’re rich and have nothing better to do.

it should be noted that it can be counted on one hand how many non-white people live in the town. berlin may possibly be the most racist town in ct, second only perhaps to west hartford.
berlinite 1: so…wanna walk to dq? theres nothing else to do, since we live in berlin, ct…
berlinite 2: sure, i guess… here, hold my joint while i get my uggs on.
a small town with 3 sections in it. east berlin, berlin, and kensington. east berlin is the farthest away from everywhere. also known as “east b-mblef-ck”, or “the village”. berlin is a town full of either stuck up -ssholes who are overly tan, over confident and know theyre better than everyone else, white trash and the “goths” all hang out together and smoke, or sl-ts. berlin is a big time town for sl-ts.
“dude, did you go to berlin, ct this weekend”
“yeah, you shoulda been there, full of stuck up -ssholes, but it has the best parties”
the worst most boring place in the world, where all that happens is drama
“hey, lets go to berlin, ct”

“no that place is gay”
the only city worse than new britain
“hey lets go to berlin”

“no lets go to new britain its fun getting shot”