Birmingham Southern College

what samford wishes they were.

beautiful, calm place where students are really smart and work hard for what they get.

but it’s true — they have a lot of money.
no, but really. a lot.

but it’s cool. they’re great people and know how to party hard! after a week of working their b-tts off, i’d say they deserve it.

definitely the best school in the state of alabama.

unlike samford. where i go. boo!
samford kid: i hate birmingham southern college! they’re so full of themselves.

uab kid: b-tch! don’t be hatin’ just cause your -ss wasn’t accepted!
birmingham-southern college is the top ranked college or university in the state of alabama.

the college is ranked in the top 10 colleges in the southeast and is among the top 150 private colleges in the nation.

its students traditionally come from families that fall in the upper-middle to upper cl-ss bracket, and they also maintain high gpas.

birmingham-southern is fairly selective in its admission process, and students report that it’s even harder to stay enrolled due to its rigorous courses and heavy workload.

many of the professors at birmingham-southern have ranked higher in student approval and college review boards than those at yale, vanderbilt, duke, and tulane universities, respectively.

the college spends more on indvidual student services than any other school in the south. its student-teacher ratio is approx. 12:1

graduates from bsc are highly sought after, especially in the southeast. it has become known as a breeding ground for future lawyers, doctors, and politicians.

tuition at bsc is among the highest in the south, with the total collective cost (including tuiton, meal plans, books, and room and board) averaging $40,000 a year. however, its m-ssive endowment allows for numerous scholarships for students from low-income families.

despite its high cost of attendance, enrollment at bsc is constantly growing. in past three years, student enrollment has reached a record high. it currently (as of fall 2009) has an enrollment of approx. 1600.
birmingham-southern college has been ranked as the best college in the state of alabama, and has been described by many as a mini-vanderbilt of sorts. birmingham residents often refer to it as a “southern ivy,” due to both its reputation and high cost of attendance. its students are among the best in america, and are consistently accepted to ivy league graduate programs.
birmingham-southern college is the wealthiest private liberal arts college in the southeast. much like rhodes and sewanee, b-sc has a tradition of affluent students, and has always been a very prestigious private university. since 1856, the college has been a huge contributor to the world of southern academia. recently, ‘southern has tried to diversify its public image, accepting many more international students and minorities. however, over 85% of the student population are still southern-born caucasians.

despite various controversies within the state of alabama over the stereotypes that birmingham-southern students get, they’re not all without merit, because many of them are true. b-sc students are typically from old south families, and have grown up accustomed to receiving the finer things in life. however, they are also known for their extremely hard work ethic.
birmingham southern college has many affluent students, but that doesn’t mean all the things you hear about the school are true. all of the students aren’t self-obsessed and stuck up.
the harvard of the south.
liberal arts school where you pay out the -ss to get an education that will put you equal with your parents, who have to make at least $150,000 a year.

a school where you see at least fifty iphones every day. the losers have blackberrys.
and no one in h-ll would ever have a razr.

polos ralph lauren, coach, and rock&republic are all around you.

forget the gap.

a school where the students work really hard but gossip and party harder.

nickname: hilltop high.
get ready to hear your name mentioned in conversations about what you did when you were drunk.

in a nutsh-ll: if you’re poor, get ready to feel out of place.
and if you are, you better be really smart to make up for it.
girl1: omg! i love that fendi bag.
girl2: so last season. ugh. i can’t believe that b-tch has the audacity. she’s obviously not from birmingham southern college.
girl1: d-mn. moving on…are you still dating the lacrosse captain?
birmingham southern college, or bsc, is a private, four-year liberal arts college in birmingham, alabama. it is in the top tier of liberal arts colleges in the nation and it is also the #1 college in the state of alabama. if you think this sounds good, try reading the last word of the previous sentence again. bsc is also known as boringham sh-tty college, hilltop high school, mini harvard on the hilltop, and the bubble. bsc is basically full of pampered brookies and ex boarding school students who can’t wait to get back in that environment. out of about 1300 students, 97% are greek and the other 3% qualify for handicapped parking sp-ces and/or free lunches.

all of the hot girls went to ole miss and some went to ua, but here’s what you get:
aopis – beauty queen social climbers
chi os – pretentious, b-tchy girls who have some “important cause” they are always whining or blogging about
kappa delta – extroverted girls who look down on anyone without a trust fund. note: when they’re drunk…they don’t care!
zetas – bsc’s resident ugly sl-ts who live for drama, “lucky” for us, they know their place and will do some pretty kinky stuff for male attention
pi beta phi – emos and stragglers. for $60,000: are they even girls?

if you are a guy at bsc you face some slim pickings when it comes to hook ups, especially since most girls want an mrs even more so than a bfa (h-llo, future vestavia hills housewife!) however, your chances increase exponentially if you have a cool car, fake rolex, a drug supply, and belong to one of these frats:
theta chi – can’t play for alabama? you’ve got daddy’s money, so who cares? paintball, ultimate frisbee and mini golf for everyone in this sports frat, where the sportiest it gets is beer pong!
ato – think delta frat, but “s-xually suspect.” known for throwing kick -ss parties for hos. girls go here because they know they won’t get hit on every six seconds. little do they realize they wouldn’t get hit on anyway.
sigma chi – the smug b-st-rd frat. think of the most stereotypical, douchey frat boy you can, stick “cl-ss president” on his suit and “kiss the cook” on his grill apr-n, and you have a sigma.
sigma alpha epsilon – same -ssholes everywhere. same douchiness found in sigma chi, but with a “southern gentleman” veneer to make up for other, uh, shortcomings.

if you go to bsc, remember your three r’s: never turn right after leaving school because that goes into the ghetto, save the roofies for samford and ua since all the chicks here are more or less easy because they have to be, and forget your rithmetic because all the tests are multiple choice anyway.
jethro jimmy-o jack-ss ii: hey look thurston we like got into birmingham southern college
thurston -sshat rimjobber iii: yeah i know but i like really wanted to go to harvard
6 months later
jethro: where you been thurston
thurston: i had to go to uab, bsc was like way too hard

john: hi baby, i have two cars and three houses and i know the president of the school so i am going here for free
random ugly a$$ b-tch: uh, you did know we go to a school where everyone knows everything about everyone, and you can’t make too much up, right? you’re a poli sci major, you work two jobs and the army is helping pay for your school. you’re not in a frat and you don’t have a state county named after you, so p-ss off.