Brandism
the religion of russell brand or also known as the russelligion. the genius on legs has finally been awarded what he quite frankly should of had the day he was born his very own beautiful religion. citin’. brandians are the name of his worshipers who take these nine brandmants very seriously.
1. when using everday words you must convert them into a brand phrase.
eg. ‘that is exciting’ now simply becomes – ‘citin!!! also ridiculous becomes ridicul-rs-. etc.
2. thou shall always buy the right kind of cat food.
3. thou shall not miss sat-rday night m-ss. (bbc radio 2 show)
4. one must always treat animals fairly.
5. no prisons, punishment is totally conducted by pin pining.
6. thou shall always refer to the booky wook if ever in doubt
7. if bookywook is signed thou shall make a shrine to russell (and from time to time collect things he has touched to make a collection of holyness)
8. hair must be m-ssive at all times. elnett hairspray shall always be used
9. one must always acknowledge the appearance of new boots.
if any of these brandments are broken and/or disused, one shall be punished by severe pin pining and squashing under some holy rootin’ tootin’ boots.
viva la russolution
when one is faced with such questions as –
“whats your religion?”
“what is god”
“what are your beleifs”
one must simply answer, “im a brandian, russell brand is my god, and my beleifs are in the brandism bible which states that the russolution is coming, i can feel it in my hair”
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