brawndo


it’s like shaving your chest with a lawnmower! that sounds dangerous, but it’s not more dangerous than drinking brawndo because drinking brawndo is like riding a pony, which probably sounds not dangerous except that the pony is 300 feet tall and covered in chainsaws! and to get on the pony, you have to take an elevator filled with 16 live cougars, which is an actual sport in latin america, which is extremely fun, but not as fun as brawndo because brawndo is like driving an ice cream truck full of angry bees through a petting zoo, which is a great way of becoming popular if you want to become popular with law enforcement but if you don’t, you should still drink brawndo because brawndo will make you use your fists for everyday tasks, like watching tv or romance or helicopter maintainence! it will also make you more awesome at english, which means you can use apostrophes whenever ‘you w’an’t to’, even in words like ‘nuclear’, which don’t even have an apostrophe yet!
brawndo: it’s got what plants crave!!!
a. what you drink because you can’t drink your car battery.

b. green kool-aid and rocket fuel.

c. drink of choice for winning . . . . anything (running, walking, waving, yelling, complex mechanical repair etc.)

it’s got what plants crave.
boots drank a brawndo and won at parking at the mall.
an energy drink giving which gives you the sensation of riding a pony which doesn’t sound dangerous except that the pony is 300 feet tall and covered in chainsaws and in order to get on the pony you have to wrestle 16 lion cougars which sounds exciting except its not as exciting as brawndo because brawndo is more exciting than a fistfight with a grizzly bear.
have you tried this brawndo? it feels like i shaved my chest with a lawnmower.
the generic term referring to an energy drink, provided it contains copious amounts of caffeine and sugar. the presence of low calorie sweeteners automatically disqualify a drink from this definition. adding extra value to this type of beverage are certain nearly undefinable ingredients including sodium hexametaphosphate, pyridoxine hydrochloride, and cyanocobalamin.
technician 1: “i can barely stay awake, want to go get a brawndo?”

technician 2: “sounds good. i hope they have full throttle brawndo, it’s my favorite”

technican 1: “yeah, i also like amp brawndo for its mellow smoothness. let’s go!!”
gives plants (and people) what they crave. electrolytes.
brawndo: the thirst mutilator. it’s like a monster truck you can pour into your face.

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