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a s-xual act so depraved it cannot be explained on television.

first, take the stanley cup and fill it to the brim with maple syrup, then cut the antlers off of a moose (preferably live) and dip the ends into the maple syrup, then, while two women perform a sixty-nine on each other, you insert the moose antlers into their r-ct-ms and stand over them, masturbating and singing “g-d save the queen,” being sure to end every phrase with “eh?”
hey man, did you hear how stephen colbert canada’s history-ed sarah palin and michele bachmann? apparently they couldn’t talk without sh-tting themselves for a full week!
the most depraved s-xual act known to mankind kept as a hidden secret from canada to preserve its’ innocence. in detail, the ——– are inserted into ——- using the ——- with ——– moose antlers —— —- —– maple syrup —- —– around five times —– — ——- until the —- —– affectionately called “the mounties” use —- —– all over the —-. the resulting —- —– — —— are then used as lubricant for ——– —- —- into —— —- —- with —– —- —- stanley cup.
i can’t believe we just did canada’s history.
a s-xual act designed to tell a story through symbolic devices: specifically in this case, that story is the history of canada. as an element of foreplay, the man pours some maple syrup on the woman’s body, and licks it off of her abdomen, br–sts, nipples, and v-lv- in that respective order. in honor of samuel de champlain’s voyage by canoe through lake nip-ssing, the man rubs is p-n-s lengthwise along the woman’s v-lv-, and she bears down hard to spray his genitals with her urine. then the man and woman perform oral s-x on each other, burying their faces in each other’s pubic hair, representing the fur trade. the man has intercourse with the woman doggy style, while slapping her b-ttocks vigorously, representing the french and indian wars. he also fists the woman’s v-g-n-; however she subsequently fists the man’s -n-s; this exchange represents the war of 1812. after this point in history, canada is known mostly for partic-p-tory, but not pivotal roles in world affairs. therefore, any combination of missionary position and fingering are used to bring the woman to -rg-sm, representing the post-wwii prosperity of the country. finally, the man -j-c-l-t-s all over the woman’s face, representing the sovereignty of quebec.
wife: i just feel like there isn’t any excitement in our s-x life, eh.

husband: i think it’s that we just don’t have enough energy after all our other responsibilities, eh, the kids, work.

marriage counselor: like i haven’t heard that a trillion f-cking times, eh!! you two should learn canada’s history like any responsible citizens would! now get the f-ck out and f-ck!!!
a s-x act performed often by members of canada’s high society in which maple syrup is poured generously onto the crotch of the willing female, who then mounts the face of a moose by holding onto its antlers. the moose encouraged by the presence of the sweet syrup performs c-nn-l-ng-s on the woman while the stanley cup is positioned below to collect the drippings. once a sufficient volume is collected the willing male partic-p-nt dips his erect phallus into the cup prior to insertion into the moose’s -n-s (preferably before the moose has slurped up all the syrup). depending upon the size of the phallus inserted into the moose, one of two results will occur:

(1) the moose will become agitated to some degree of insanity and attempt to buck off both the man and woman. at this point, if the couple lasts at least 8 seconds and both reach the point of -rg-sm, they win the stanley cup. this is referred to as the “two canucks, one cup” rodeo.

(2) the moose will become aroused, and will proceed to insert itself into the female. if the female is unwilling, a suitable midget replacement will suffice.
oh, snap! did you see steven colbert and sarah palin do canada’s history to bullwinkle while rocky watched?
a depraved s-x act which involves inserting the stanley cup in to a womens -ss. then soaking your p-n-s in maple syrup. sticking the maple syrup up her v-g-n-. then takeing your maple syrup soaked p-n-s and comencing to throat f-ck the women all while humming “oh canada”
thanks stephen colbert
guy 1: you know that rachel girl?

guy 2: yeah.

guy 1: dude i gave her the complete canadas history last night!
this terrifying, little-practiced s-x act requires elaborate staging and great acrobatic strength. first, the nude, submissive partic-p-nt stands before the stanley cup. the submissive lowers their head into the cup. the dominant partic-p-nt approaches from behind with a decanter of warmed maple syrup, which is poured liberally onto the head and genitals of the submissive. using thinly-sliced canadian bacon as a prophylactic, the dominant penetrates the -n-s of the submissive with the body part or object of their choice, while simultaneously scoring the submissive’s back with the antlers of a moose. coitus ensues. traditionally, the climax of either partner is marked by shouting the name of the band rush’s singer and b-ss player, “geddy lee!”
right after my partner marked me with the dirty sanchez, i retorted with a canada’s history.
canada’s history is a depraved s-xual act first performed around 1898 in the lawless yukon territory by “meaty” georges gagnon, a french-canadian prospector during the klondike gold rush. georges performed the act on many willing and unwilling men, women, children, and domesticated animals (the rumors of this act being performed on moose and kodiak bears are unconfirmed). the act was called a “dark mar on canada’s history” by local politicians, and “the only interesting thing in canada’s history” by american papers sensationalizing the klondike gold rush.

the act itself was said to originally consist of georges approaching with moose antlers strapped to his head. georges (known for having meaty lumberjack hands) would then proceed to fist the orifice of his victim. georges would proceed to insert his p-n-s into the fist within the orifice and m-st-rb-t- to -j-c-l-t–n.

georges used “the only lubrication worthy of a true canadian gold man”, maple syrup. he would chug the syrup, while cursing the queen and lavishly praising gold.

modernly, the act has changed to honor hockey legend, wayne gretzky (many considered it source of his greatness). a proper rendition of canada’s history now requires that the victim be bent over, face resting in the cup, which is filled to the brim with maple syrup.

the act risks asphyxiation and is so dangerous that canadian healthcare system uses a form called a 1206c(h), which is to be filled out in the case of injuries resulting from the act.
roommate 1: geez, eh, you were loud last night with that girl. what were you doing in there, canadas history?

roommate 2: no, but not for a lack of trying, eh. we were out of maple syrup.

roommate 1: fine canadians we are eh? forgive us georges.

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