Captain Douchebag
an -ssclown that generally speaks as if they know what they are talking about however has no f-cking clue. different than just the plain -ssclown by their pure consistancy has earned a rank of captain, yet are not quite the level of an admiral, which requires a lifelong dedication to being a douchebag.
can also be identified by their need to tell long winded r-t-rded stories about their friends who are also douchebags of lower rank with lame nick-names consisting of the names “bone” and “dawg.”
sh-t lets go, here comes captain douchebag again.
the biggest douchebag in the history of time. a person who exemplifies all that it means to be a douche.
zach pannenton is captain douchebag
those who don’t even know his name simply know him as the captain.
he is the founding last super hero of our time! he plays golf with freckled kids! he likes to break bread and go water fishing! his powers are dance to techno music with hot chicks! he then cleans his fridge with fabric softner and yells at crocidiles because they have too much teeth and never see the dentist!
little boy: oh my god some buddy kill me!
captain douche bag: how about no dum-ss! maybe you should be happy f-ck face!
little boy: why captain douche bag no one likes me!
captain douche bag: cause your a p-ssy!
little boy: im really sorry sir! i promise to stop wetting the bed!
captain douche bag: good now go protect the planet from b–st–lity p-rn!!!
theme song!
captain douche bag is a f-cking guy with a mask!
he’ll eat the rest of the steak sauce!
then he will cry you nothing cause you suck!
watch out its captain douche bag!
captain douche bag is a f-cking guy with a cape!
he’ll do back flips on chicken tenders from hot’n now!
then he will pee on your bed blaming it on you!!!
watch out its captain douche bag!
kids: we love captain douche bag!! yay!!!!!!
captain douche bag is a f-cking hero with att-tude!!!
he’ll race you to the laundry mat!! and wash his clothes!
then he will burn the kmart store down! cause it sucks!!!
watch out its captain douche bag!
watch out its captain douche bag!
watch out its captain douche bag!
watch out its captain douche bag!
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