chav speech

the term given to the noises that the inner-city, worthless, pieces of sh-te that have p-ssing resemblance to h-m- sapiens, make when attempting to communicate with each other. given that these living abortions have no grey matter to start with, it is a f-ckin miracle that they can even make noises.

warning, when a chav emits a loud noise in your direction it would possibly indicate it has seen you and it is gearing up to attack. in this case, i would advise doing the gene-pool a favour and blowing its f-ckin head off. if you don’t happen to have a 12-bore to hand, i recommend running. if you happen to be in charge of a vehicle…. well you know what the right thing is that needs to be done.
chav sc-m: “grunt, ugg oog, oh-oh , innit”

normal human: “oh i’m sorry, is that chav speech you are making?”

writing in ‘chav speech’ was actually invented for keyboards and typewriters as a means for taking quicker, easier and effective minutes in a meeting. – original source: mr j swift.
below is a perfect example of writing ‘chav speech’.

if i reli wanted 2 talk proper on ere rite i wud cud but i dont wanna. it fairly obvious tat i can cos gd uni’s dnt accpet thicko’s. and puttin dear phil, well, just 2 inform u my dear sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and my education is seperate from my social life cos i consider it 2 be quite stuck up thinkin ur above sum1 just cos u speak proper. i have brains love i just exercise it as was n wen i need 2. oh n ur just as phsychic as me, sayin i can only talk in text speak, wen i can actually rite proper, liek i sed.