Closet Bro
any (usually) white american male that attempts, sometimes successfully, to convince everyone around them that they are not a bro, despite a certain and varying penchant for decidedly bro-like activities or beliefs; frequently using s-xual experience to demand respect from one’s friends, expressing a desire to fight others, an enjoyment and subsequent short-lived obsession with whatever mainstream rap song is currently “hot”, open objectification of women, using ability and ever-readiness to drink heavily to -ssert dominance and respect within a social group, etc. are all telltale signs of a closet bro’s true nature.
note: closet bros know on some level what they are, and are afraid to admit, perhaps even to themselves, their bro-tendencies. they guard themselves against reality by vehemently proclaiming a hatred for bros; this only serves to aggravate the situation, making their bro-ness even more painfully obvious to their peers.
example one
mike: hey man, i heard you were hanging out with vanessa. how’s that going?
kyle: dude, i hit it and quit it. that b-tch don’t mean sh-
mike: closet bro! you!
example two
dave: so kyle was giving me a ride home, right? and we’re sitting at a stoplight, when all of a sudden he turns on the radio and starts blasting a t pain song. i just opened my door and got out.
paul: i always kind of suspected that guy was a bro.
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