closure
1. to attempt to ‘move on’ following the termination of a relationship with another individual.
2. when used in a sentence, insinuates that the individual using the word is the same individual who was the target of the ‘break-up’.
3. a word used by overly-emotional, self-centered ‘drama queens’ (mostly women and gay men).
4. individuals using this word generally will utter the word ‘chapter’ during their often one-sided conversations.
5. a word created during the 90’s which was borne out of individuals unable to cope with relationship failure.
6. individuals using this word insinuate that the more stable party is responsible for all of the ‘closured’ individual’s problems, as well as the war in iraq, airbag safety issues, the democratic national convention, dustless chalk, nipples on men, pms, and bad-hair days.
betsy: so whadda’ you think, donna?
donna: well, you gotta’ let me read the d-mn thing!
betsy: okay, okay… sorry!
donna: (reads out loud)
dear betsy,
it has been four long months and i
can no longer be party to this
relationship. yes, you do have the
finest body i’ve ever seen, and as
you have repeatedly told me, no one
gives better head. i understand our
college football and baseball teams
can confirm this as well. honestly,
the fact that you have slept with
everyone in the faculty is not the
problem i’m having. the problem is
your hygiene. most women clean
themselves off after s-x… the
corners of the mouth, the pearl
necklace… and, umm, you know what i
mean. if you at least brushed your
teeth each day, your dentist wouldn’t
have to contend with the variety of
pubic hair in your mouth.
i’m sorry, betsy, but i need a woman
with standards… any kind of
standards. just not you.
you suck,
dave
betsy: well?? what do you think?
donna: well, you do need to brush. that’s gross.
betsy: i need closure!
donna: no, you need a life, you self-centered drama queen!
betsy: oh! another chapter in my life ends!
donna: don’t start with me, b-tch.
4 more definitions
the final step in the grieving process; figurative ‘scar tissue’
after all these years of crying over tim, i still havent found closure.
when you rid yo self of problems.
i’ve finally found closure!
when you have s-x with a person you’ve had a crush on for a long time but never got the chance to. until now.
last night i got closure with my high school crush!
so i took this chick’s new webcam and i strangled her with it. then i peed in her b-tt and stapled it shut.
i got closure by acting out the above definition.
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