coffee shits

when you drink a lot of coffee on an empty stomach, and then in about an hour or so you have to sh-t
yo dude, i went to dunkies this morning, had a few medium regulars, and then all throughout the day i had the coffee sh-ts
after drinking coffee and eating tons of carbs then running you take a fiery, steamy, burning hot sh-t with a fudge-like consistency. it usually happens within an hour of coffee, with a smell similar to dead people, sh-t, and coffee combined. even worse, it strikes without warning for the next hour leaving your pants in a sh-t covered h-ll.
guy a “i love drinking coffee then eating pasta then running! don’t you?”
guy b “dude, your gonna get coffee sh-ts…”
guy a “naa, i’ve got a colon of steel i…i need to change…”
when you replace breakfast with two cups of coffee, and then have the sh-ts an hour later.

coffee sh-ts are usually ungodly smelling, hurt like crazy, have the consistency of oatmeal, and leave you feeling horrible and very hungry.
you’re so gonna get coffee sh-ts later.
what you get after drinking too much coffee. have fun screaming in the stall for four hours.
guy one: hey did you see bill?
guy two: oh yeah, he almost sh-t himself. i hear he collapsed in public.
guy one: yeah, sounds pretty awful.
guy three: obviously the coffee sh-ts.