contrabassoon
harbinger of doom and destruction. this instrument has the lowest range of any woodwind, along with the contrab-ss clarinet, and has a sound powerful enough to turn straight men gay, gay men straight, republicans into democrats and atheists into priests. do not ever take your girlfriend to an orchestra performance where there is a contrab-ssoonist, because he will steal your b-tch before the end of the symphony’s first movement.
contrab-ss clarinet contrab-ssoon
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