corn cougar
– noun, plural -gars, (especially collectively), -gar
1. the single most terrifying creature ever to exist.
2.created in a iowa state university laboratory, bio engineered to depopulate deer from corn fields, the corn cougar has been the cause of several children’s death since being released into the wild.
3. a s-xually active (50-63 year old) woman who stalks the rows in search of youthful field workers.
news anchor: we’ll take you to ottumwa, iowa now, where a corn cougar carrying around the intestines of a 5-year-old ottumwan girl was shot dead in a field this afternoon. we go to tom for more. tom?
tom: this is no aroused housewife with a sweat fetish, folks. the beast of all beasts has struck again.
gardangit, all this corn pluckin’ makes me h-rny. you seen any corn cougars aroun’ here, chuck?
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